Using Steemit Comments To Lose Friends And Alienate People

Today I wanted to share with you, how to alienate your fellow Steemians, with your comments on their articles. I've noticed lately, that we are getting some real, friend-losing pros, joining Steemit; so I just wanted to highlight their sterling work.

So without further ado, let's find out; in just three easy steps, how to lose friends, and alienate people...

1. Make A Bad First Impression

Have you ever been to a party?

Of course you have...

If you haven't

You might just,

want to

read on....

Because it may enlighten you, as to why nobody ever invites you to their parties.

OK, have you ever been to a party, and you meet that guy or girl?

You know the ones I'm talking about? The ones who come and butt into your engaging conversation, that 3 of you are having in the kitchen, next to the fridge full of beer, ice and cheap vodka.

You are talking about, what must have been a whopping fuel bill for the Death Star, and in fact you all agree that the war between the Empire and everyone else, could so easily have been avoided, if The Emperor had only used a more environmentally friendly power source, like solar energy.

When suddenly, that guy comes over; the first thing he does is laugh at a completely inappropriate moment. Nobody said anything vaguely funny at that point; and the worst thing about it was, that it was one of those obvious, stage laughs.

Then, he says something along the lines of;

"Yeah, Emperor, that is so bad; you know? It kind of reminds me how when I was at work the other day selling insurance; did I mention I sell insurance...?"

Ugh, he then attempts to take over the conversation with his boring banter, what's worse is; he TOTALLY IGNORES, the body language of the people he's talking to (at). If he paid a lil' bit more attention, he would realise, they desperately want him to stop, and/or, go away.

But no, he blunders on, even past the point whereby the 3 people make their separate excuses, and get the hell out of there!

"I have to go to the toilet!"

"Me too!"

"Me three! Let's go together"

2. Always Be Closing

Let's stay at the party now; we move from the previously, lively and chatty kitchen, as our friend has all but, killed the atmosphere in there, he has cornered some poor sucker, who doesn't have the will to escape his soul-sucking, conversation.

So we pour another vodka and orange, quickly grab some ice, which is still miraculously in plentiful supply, in the freezer; and then pop outside to the garden.

We shimmy over to a group of people, they are mainly listening to a jolly looking fellow, who is telling a funny story. He is gesticulating wildly as he tells it, and he is constantly digressing into little sub-stories. The fellow is a skilled orator, and proves this by involving his listeners in his stories, and encouraging them to participate.

So you sidle up to the group, and after a while, you too are part of this happy bunch, your laughter punctuating the general hubbub of the garden, and the distant muffle of retro, 90s house music, emanating from the front room.

Then, all of a sudden, another version of that guy, walks up to your group, he too has been drawn to the rocks of sociability; by the siren call of witty conversation.

Unfortunately, he has one agenda in mind, and one only.

You can feel it building like a volcano, as he is stood next to you, it is almost like he is a kid, dying for a pee.

Or perhaps, one with an irresistible secret, which he must tell.. right.. this.. second...

He is not listening, he is simply waiting for a gap in the conversation...

Almost said something..

Not quite..

Nearly there.

Finally!

He blurts it out;

"Yeah! Funny thing is, I'm a financial adviser, I'm big into gold at the mo, and I can get some really good deals, I've been making a lot of clients rich. Here, take my card."

Like a french kiss, at a family reunion...

Ugh, another lovely conversation ruined, we were talking about funny things that had happened to us at festivals. What the bloody hell does that have to do with gold investments??

Prick.

Twat.

Ignoramus.

We all disperse, hoping that if we live another thousand lives, we will never meet him again.

3. Leave Sincerity At The Door

Ach; oh well, maybe you'll go for a dance; from the sounds of it, the DJ is playing your ish, maybe a dance will get you away from these rude and annoying people that seem to be scattered amongst the interesting ones, at this party.

You go back inside; the heat differential between the garden and the house, encourages beads of sweat to spring forth from under your armpits, and atop of your brow. You take a mighty gulp out of your, vodka-filled, plastic party cup; wondering if you should risk bumping into the soul-sucker again, by going for a quick refill before hitting the dance floor.

In your moment of hesitation, you see your long lost friend; Suzanne...

"Hey Suze! How's it going, long time no see! How's Mark and the kids?"

"Kids are great; Mark I don't know, we split up last year."

"No! I'm so sorry; what happened?"

Cue the story of the last 18 months of Suzanne's life, she was devastated, but she's back out there now; in fact, this party is symbolic of her decision to put herself out there again.

For the last 15 seconds of the story, you have been joined by an attractive female in a killer, tight, red dress; maybe she knows Suzanne?

Anyway! I don't want to put a downer on the party; Mark's history now, I'm up for the future! Woo hoo!"

She turns to the lady in the red dress.

"Hi, I'm Suzy, pleased to meet you; what's your name?"

"I'm Jackie, and I just wanted to say that you are so brave, and wonderful, and important, and you are a shining beacon for women everywhere. I really, really, really, admire what you have done with your life. If I could do half of what you have done in your amazing existence, I will be a complete person."

"Wow - You got all that from the last 15 seconds of our conversation?"

Oh man...

They are every-fucking-where!

She's that girl

I mean, does she think that such, misplaced, over-the-top compliments, will get people to like her?

Grrrr.

The exact opposite is true.

You were going to ask her for a dance, now you can't wait to get away from her sexy, yet insincere, ass.

The Importance Of Being Earnest

OK, if you have got this far, and you are a new user, and you would prefer to win friends, and influence people, then please consider the following.

1. We all love comments on our articles; whether you are the biggest writer on Steemit, or a minnow with one post. This is because, the comments, acts as some kind of validation of the work we have just put into the post. Also, a good comment section, will enhance the article, and deepen it, maybe laying rise to a whole new set of articles.

2. People can tell if you haven't read the article, but are trying to sound like you have.

(Green plastic frog - I am inserting this phrase, to see if this article gets read to at least this point. The first few people to point it out, will receive a @cryptogee sponsored, randowhale vote. You have to have less than 3000sp for the vote, and your article has to be good!)

1. Over the top compliments, are actually quite insulting. Don't get me wrong, I like it when somebody genuinely compliments me. However, when somebody tells me how amazing, my article was and how important and great my other articles are, without even referencing one single word I've written, it is clearly a copy n paste response. Which is really insulting, I'd rather nothing, than that.

The Dos And Don'ts Of Commenting

Don't: Comment on an article, just for the sake of it. Yes it is trending, and has thousands of dollars, hundreds of votes and views. However, unless you feel that you can personally add something above and beyond; great article! Just move on, there are plenty of other fish in the Steemit sea.

DON'T:LEAVE COMMENTS IN CAPS! We all like to shout sometimes, but why do you have to shout on the comment section? Especially if it's frigging unrelated!!

Do: Read the article. We've all done it, just seen the title of an article, skipped to the end, and commented, heck, in the old days, I did that a few times myself!

However two things emerge, when you do that, your comment will seem out of place, and/or worse, you will make a statement that entirely contradicts the point of view of the article, thus making it abso-bloody-lutely obvious, you haven't read it.

This will diminish you in the eyes of the content creator; which is the exact opposite outcome, that you are seeking.

Don't: I repeat DON'T spam your links, I don't know anyone who doesn't find link spamming annoying, so don't annoy people. In case you're wondering, a link spam, is whereby you link to your COMPLETELY UNRELATED post.

Do: Link relevant content. There is a distinction between spamming and linking relevant content, the lines are not blurred, it is not a grey area. It's really, really simple. If so-and-so writer, has done a post about aliens, and you have done a post about aliens, that is acceptable.

If you want to go even deeper, if so-and-so has done a post about alien trigonometry, and you have done a post about alien mathematics in general; EVEN BETTER! Or maybe you have done a recent post about how, alien trigonometry is in use today in Arkansas, and how, that somehow relates to the presidency of the United States, YES KEEP GOING!

This will get engagement, and it will get you noticed, if your comments are thoughtful, and the links, go to relevant, well written, well presented content. Then even more so, will you get noticed/followed, upvoted, and maybe even resteemed.

Dont: Make a comment on an 1800 word article, less than 2 minutes after it was posted, especially if that comment is great article!. Because it's bloody obvious to anyone who isn't a complete moron, that you haven't read it. Just vote, and move on; maybe bookmark it for later, or just forget it, anything than commenting just so you can be the first.

Do: Comment on subjects and issues that are interesting to you; regardless of who wrote them. I know y'all want to get the attention of whales and influences. However you're much more likely to do that, by leaving a good/thoughtful comment on a smaller less popular piece.

Maybe a whale sees you and thinks; that guy/girl's cool, let's see what else they have to say.

Remember

It is easy for people to check your past comments and replies, ergo, if you copy n paste, with a slight, or no variation, the people you're trying to influence into following you, and reading your stuff, will not; and they may even block you, making you invisible to them forever.

• You don't have to comment on every article you vote for, you don't even have to read, every article you vote for. However, you should read every article you comment on, if you can't be bothered to read it, that is fair enough, just vote and move on without saying anything.

• Less is more; I am far more likely to follow somebody, who has made a great statement on my article, and then I go to his/her profile page, and I find out that they have made, other worthwhile comments, on other blogs. Maybe they are low in number, yet they are high in quality; that's the sort of person I want to engage with, and guess what? Most people would agree with me.

• Be patient; Rome wasn't built in a day (what fool suggested it was?), so take your time, and look upon your comments, as a body of work. Maybe you're not the best at writing whole articles, or getting your ideas across. However, you are good at adding valuable assessment, of other people's ideas. Good comments, will end up getting good rewards.

• Long is not always good; I like a nice detailed comment sometimes, and occasionally give them myself. However, you don't have to write War And Peace, just to prove you were paying attention. Sometimes, a funny meme, can blow me away, at others, it's a detailed answer. I think it depends on the subject matter, and time of day...

Home Time

So that's it; either be that person, who everyone wants to avoid at the party. Or be the other one, the one that everyone feels great being near, and wants to talk to, and share time with; be that person.

Excellent Comment!

I don't just talk the talk, I walk the walk

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? ARE YOU GETTING LOTS OF UNRELATED ANNOYING COMMENTS? OR DON'T YOU SEE IT AS A PROBLEM? MAYBE YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO BE HEARD, AND YOU JUST WANT TO BE NOTICED. WHATEVER IT IS, AS EVER; LET ME KNOW BELOW!+

Cryptogee