I Said NO.....Why do I feel guilty?

photo credit: wimp

I had this friend though we were not so close. He was actually a relative of one of my best friends so we sometimes run in the same circle. We chat online coupled with some occasional calls. The friendship was simple and basic but after awhile, I noticed he was putting more effort into it. He calls me often, asking how my day went, if I’d eaten....and other mushy stuffs. Soon i started getting the feeling that he wanted more out the friendship and since i don’t like assuming stuffs, i didn’t confront him but i began ignoring him little by little hoping to create some distance between us. By the way, at that time i wasn’t in any serious relationship and i guess he knew about it though we never discussed it.

One fateful day, he called me up and told me he wanted us to go on a date. Oops! I wasn’t even the list bit surprised. This finally confirmed my feeling that he wanted more. I didn’t have to think about what my answer will be but since I won’t like any awkwardness between us especially when my friend is around, I decided to go with a ‘conventional lie’ to let him down gently. I told my friend about his proposal and being the good sister she was, told me to give him a chance though it didn’t change my decision. I gave him the excuse of being busy and not having the time, letting him know i’ll fix a date when i‘m free. This was the first of many excuses with me hoping he will get the message and subtly let his request die a natural death. The opposite was the case!

photo credit: pixabay

After two whole months, i was tired of making excuses. Gosh! He was really persistent that i was almost tempted to give in to one date. Since he was a cousin to my very good friend, i was bound to run into him and i didn’t want any stiffness between us. I needed to put an end to the promissory note i made so i finally decided on the method. Yes a chat message and I agree it was cowardly of me. The message quotes “i really can’t go out on a date with you (thought i could though). I just started a new relationship and it’s too early to start giving reasons on why i went on a date with another guy. Hope you understand. Apologies for giving you the run-around.” Few minutes later i got a reply “it’s okay, I understand.” Whew! It was such a relief.

Yea i wasn’t seeing anyone so lied. What else could I have done? I needed to let him down gently without bruising his ego and making things tensed between us. Now when we have a chance meeting, we act like we use to and it seems like the episode never happened but i keep having this nagging thought, “Was there anything I could have done differently?”