I am the mother of a son and daughter. Mt son was born with multiple handicaps and it has been a struggle to keep him alive, to get the care he needs and to maximize his potential. His sister was born beautiful, intelligent and headstrong. I had to become the family disciplinarian when the children were young because my husband just wanted to have fun and never play the “bad guy” role. So I was the one who had to say, “No, we cannot afford that,” and, “Sit down and do your math homework now.” My daughter screamed and yelled, “I hate you!” — but she got accepted into a magnet high school and an excellent engineering school. When she graduates she will work with a top engineering company. Without me, the mom she “hated” pushing her to do her work when she didn’t want to, none of this would have happened.

It would have been so easy to give up on her future. We paid for tutoring for both kids. My mother and sister in law constantly complained about that to my husband. But the tutoring was crucial and gave her the scores she needed to attend the schools she aimed for.

My son has his own story. His condition was so grave at birth that we were warned he might not live a month. He’s 23 and has fought through surgeries and so many things. I learned long ago that each child has their own path. Life has not been easy for either one. If my daughter didn’t work hard when I wasn’t there — at school, etc, she would have failed long ago. If my son didn’t have the will to live, my efforts would have been meaningless.

The greatest gift my children could give me is the knowledge that they love each other and would be there for each other. Sibling rivalry is real and sometimes makes that hard. I hope my kids realize that raising very different children with very different, but very real, needs is also hard. Imperfect parents do the best they can.

Thank you.