Thank you Jist.
I have found my purpose after being embraced by the darkness for too long.
I made my decisions and I stick with them till the end at which I will find a new path and a new decision to make which will change me again.
We can decide who we want to be and I have decided to become a person that knows how to make and maintain a high amount of money to have more options in my life.
I am having a similar experience. It is the catalyst to greatness , Forged in Fire!
I would describe it like this: Having been defeated too many time and now chasing revenge with bloodlust.
It is a revolt against the status quo and a quest for greatness.