I think this suffers a bit from being overly generic. Which does give me lots of ideas for work I can do, though.
What is your target audience? From the information you're prioritizing I deduce that it's mainly aimed at getting people who've already decided that they want an altcoin portfolio to seek out Steem in particular. A lot of this is not "why Steem is great" but "why Steem is better than other coins."
So maybe if you go back and look at it from that specific perspective you'll be able to communicate somewhat better to those people.
I can give specific language feedback if you'd like, but I think it probably needs a more-targeted draft first.
It is a multi-purpose presentation. I'm specifically creating it to pitch to hedge funds who have already expressed an interest in investing in crypto currency, but other users may use it for different things. When I use it, the PPT will be emailed "as-is" (with no presenter).
For a hedge fund, you're really underplaying the information that they really want, which is "Various ROI options for investors" and "ROI through passive income options." Those two need to be fleshed out substantially, and a lot of the rest of it really isn't important.
Even so, I suspect that any of the current options for passive ROI here are less passive than a hedge fund would want. They don't seem like very good customers for PoS coins at all, or Steem in specific, given how much our system incentivizes activity even on the very basic level of delegating for return.