I think usually it can cross the line into the spam. However, it might be ok if your self-promoted post is super relevant to the topic on hand. For example, if you're commenting on post about why rewards are declining post HF19 and you have a post on the how fast the rewards pool is declining, it might be acceptable to mention your post in the comment.
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So many unwritten rules of Steemit and people interpret them their own way i guess
Yes, that's very true though I think there is a consensus about certain things like for example it's usually bad to use the introduceyourself tag in a post other than for your first introduction post. There's a lot of new Steemit users who have gotten in trouble for using that tag to boost their views on all their posts.