There was a psychologist (name escapes me at the moment) that describes aspects of our personality as masks that we learn to wear. The idea being that those facets, represented by masks in his description are nothing but elements of our own psyche that we can "summon" for lack of a better word to fit the situation.
It's a somewhat uncomfortable thought, at least superficially, because it seems to imply fakeness. However the argument he puts forth is that we are a collective of masks, and that our individuality is more align with a concept of inner-collective.
Pretty abstract, but if you give it some thought, it does make sense.
Makes total sense. You're right, it is a little abrasive to our need for 'identity', but it's the same phenomenon as adapting the mannerisms and behaviors of someone who you view as 'alpha' to you in a given context. Not always bigger or stronger, but maybe someone skilled, respected, loved, etc.
Point being, I think we are all wishy-washier than we think we are when it comes to self-identification. Given the 'incentivized kindness' element that is harbored here as (@clayboyn put it greatly in another comment) I think it's easy for us to want to default to kind, helpful, well-spoken, etc.
We are just products of our environment, for better or for worse.