As a cousin of Imelde Ponzi, it hurts my heart that our family name is dragged through the mud every time it’s associated with my other, unsavory cousin’s pyramid scheme.

Imelde Ponzi was famous in her own right for her plan of buying farmers’ overripe apples at above-market prices, churning them into applesauce, and distributing the applesauce out for free to local shoeshiners as a nice little break between their swishing and swooshing of the ever shinier shoes.

That’s the real Ponzi scheme.