I wish you the best of luck man. I feel you.
Life sucks sometimes but never lose your faith. I think what you are doing here really human, to ask for help, nothing wrong with that. I´m sure some kind souls will help you out and you will the little push your life seems to be needing now.

Upvoted and resteemed, humble aport from here since I´m a minnow with 350 followers but a little plus a little... adds up!

GOOD LUCK!