Banana and tea don't go well together. I'll first eat the banana then. Why am I eating and typing at the same time if I know I don't like multitasking? I feel scattered today. So many tasks and research work for the grand canyon. Many websites, information, choices to make, my mind feels full, somewhat overstimulated. Do others have the same problem after this kind of work? I think so. And what really eats me up is not getting to the main thing. Working on the relationship course. I started yesterday to write the lesson on holding space, but I don't feel the passion now. If I even did yesterday. I think I felt it, up to the point where Jordan - banana finished! - appeared to have a different view on what exactly holding space means. If trouble comes, I want just want to do the ostrich. Or curl myself up on the sofa and take a vacation in troubled-mind-land. Oh well, we talked through it I guess and he even agreed with my view in the end... so what's wrong? I want to feel capable and confident and wise and inspired to write. I don't want to just bang my head to the wall. Hey funny today I'm doing it the other way around, I'm writing in the Wordpress interface, and I'll post it afterwards on SteemIt. SteemIt is dissapointing me. I don't know if any money will ever come out of that for me. But at least I'm not doing this for the money. I would write stream of consciousness anyway. Posting it on the internet is just 1 extra minute of work. I rubbed the banana peel on my face. Maybe Earl will come back home soon and I'll look all weird. It is what it is because I just can't help myself, my skin loves banana peel! It feels all fresh and nourishing. Tonight me and Jordan will go to - or is it correct english to say Jordan and me? I think so - We'll go to the grand canyon. We'll camp and then tomorrow morning we'll walk the South Kaibab Trail. I'm so excited. I have been wanting to see the Grand Canyon ever since I learned about the existence of it in geography class when I was ten years old. I had no idea I would actually visit it this summer, just because the retreat I booked appeared to be super close and I made a friend traveling around by car who also loves hiking. How wonderful! Thank you universe! Magic, it feels like magic to me. How is it possible that I was still in the Netherlands 5 months ago, feeling my desire for visiting the Grand Canyon stronger than ever, not undertaking any action to actually get there, other than finding a cute Grand Canyon picture and using it as a wallpaper on my laptop, and now suddenly it's going to happen! I just expressed interest. Will I do some more work today? Why is it such a struggle? I want to work trough all of that. I'm done with the shit. But... I have no clue. Then maybe I should try to read something on the topic of productivity. Sometimes I feel lazy, and sometimes I feel workaholic. Welcome in Crazy Town called life on Earth. I so much love planet Earth. And I love the process we as a human species are undergoing. It's all so exciting to me! Bashar says we'll have open contact with aliens in between 2025 and 2033. That's cool. That's exciting to me. My life becomes noticibly better every.... I guess week of month, but if I would ask myself every night: how did my life get better today? I think I would be able to come with small things every night. I learn each day. I understand what bliss is. I understand how self-love feels. I feel very capable of sharing love and enjoying relations with others. I am super curious what will happen next on my spiritual path. And I feel patient at the same time, just enjoying the banana peel stuff on my face I guess :')