I've been thinking about this a lot recently. There are two things that come to mind when thinking about the desire for sex:
- I believe all people who "create stuff", either art, writing, music, whatever, is an elaborate mating call. It is both used to attract mates, friends (which lead to mates), and it's also (if good enough), used to try and push one's existence into an immortality state. Many of us are interested in our creative genes, ego, "self" being preserved into the future and we go about this in many ways.
The best way to push your "self" into immortality is to do something so big for humanity, that you exist inside other people's minds as "great". I learned about a doctor in India who restored vision to thousands of poor people who could not afford it. They literally could see the sunset because of one human. This doctor also had rich patients who paid full price for his services. So, he used the money from the rich people to restore vision of the poor. Those people whose vision was restored will think of him, preserving his legacy.... - The desire to return to an ego-less state by intermingling with another mind and body.
The other thing I want to mention is that I have another reason to want sex that is not connected to extension of my genes:
For me personally, I desire that feeling of ego death. When merging temporarily for the first time with another, part of my ego dies, and it's this merging, this confusion of identity, this wonderful loss of control, and this confusion of "who is who", this escape from the prison of my own mind is what I'm after. I cannot get this feeling on my own (no matter how much fantasy I concoct), and this is the thing that is driving me........
I think you cannot fully talk about what sex is like after one has successfully bred unless that is a hard reality for you. I suppose you, @kyriacos could imagine what it's like, but you cannot feel what it's like. For me, after I physically passed on my genes, I noticed that my interest in men has greatly diminished. I no longer create the fantasies that once used to be my mental bread and butter. They only seem made for one thing, and since I no longer want to have children, their appeal is not as enticing.
However, I will not deny that I still want this ego-death experience. The other thing that most people don't talk about it, is the fact that most men are not skilled as far as properly stimulating females. It is a fact that I end up being the one who gets myself off during sex as I know exactly what is necessary. This is a side issue, but one that's important because it also makes finding a mate more or less unnecessary. The only thing that I miss is this feeling of temporary ego-death, which can never be fully realized, mostly because it only exists during the first few encounters, and seems to devolve into boring habits as time goes on.
The quest for new experiences with new reactions, combined with elevated social status and more power is I suppose what drives me, but the prospect of accidentally becoming pregnant is such a negative idea (because I don't want any more kids), that abstaining from sex is the preferred choice.
There's probably an element of mental illness for sure within me, as I have carried some of these maladaptive behaviors with me for my entire life. The cycle tends to be: avoidance of forming relationships, denial of sexual impulses up until the moment that I become crazed with irrational sexual urges, that form and create temporary sexual encounters that are mostly meaningless.
Nikola Tesla did, I think successfully sublimate his sexuality. He was a textbook case of OCD, and he, as far as I have read, didn't have sex with anyone. I do wonder if he masturbated though.
Lovely response stellabelle.
This. This is central to everything. We are mostly sexual today because we don't really get the implications unless we breed. This is how sex has transcended into different kinds of meaning — even if that is denial.
There are those who masturbate and those who don't admit they masturbate.
Tesla was a germaphobe. One could say that he avoided sex because he feared infection. This is why I emphasized that denial of sex is more or less pathology.
Yes, and I share his germaphobia. I went years obsessing over the idea of contracting STDs, and this fear prevented me from years of sex. I suppose that is why I am drawn to Tesla's mental disorders, because I share in some of them. I had OCD pretty bad in my twenties, and also went through a "not touching doorknob" phase as well. And then there is my self-imposed celibacy, of 7 years, which I see perhaps needs to end. But the fear of germs is still with me, the germ I fear the most: sperm.
I have always worn my pathology on my sleeve. It makes me stand out, and could potentially attract someone from far away, one that I'll be too scared to fuck.
With that, I will say that I absolutely cannot wait for my breeding ability to end.
I'd like to return to my pre-pubscent self, one that cannot be impregnated. Then, the real magic could begin as I have found that a significant number of men are horny enough not to care if I'm old. That's one thing that is guaranteed.....young men, who want to get laid, are plentiful. And some of them like to be bossed around because finding a woman who both knows herself and is not afraid to be aggressive is kind of a rare thing.
I think even writing this post is an attempt to get laid. It just occurred to me that your post is accurate on every level.
I would suggest you to read 'The Denial Of Death' from Ernest Becker.
There is so much of you that can be answered and self -discovered it will be a pity if I just spout it here based on my on interpretation. You will thank me later.