I really respect your openness about your past traumas, how those experiences effect your present sex life and the effort you're making to work through your issues. And, I'm grateful that you're sharing all of this here on Steemit... Potentially inspiring others of us to think about/discuss/work on our own sexual issues. 👍🏽
I agree that healing or working through past traumas helps us have a healthy...anything, including a healthy sex life.
I'm hesitant to say this next part, but your post really stirred up some questions that I can't get off of my mind. I am rather conflict adverse, so please understand that I'm not trying to question your process or argue with you at all. I respect your presence on Steemit like I said, it's just that your post got me pondering my own sexual tastes.
Here's the thing - I have never been abused, raped, or sexually traumatized in anyway. Such abuse seems sadly so common today that, frankly, I feel like an anomaly, but it's true. However I have lots of "dark" fantasies. I mean...really hard core, degrading, forcible, ferocious stuff....
If you are certain that your fantasies were due to your early childhood abuse and that experience completely programmed and set the tone for your sex life, then absent those experiences in my case, what is my excuse? 😳
And, what's really weird is that I don't think I need an excuse. I'm honestly comfortable with my kinks and fetishes being what they are. I don't resist them or attribute any one thing as being the cause of me being this way. Early childhood experiences may have turned me on to certain attractions, but I also feel that there's a large part of me that was just born this way.
May I ask your thoughts on my situation?
Thank you. I am hoping to shine light on some pretty dark stuff and hope it helps a few people. :)
Also, very valid question, I don't think hardcore fantasies are necessarily a bad thing. I just know that for me personally it made me think of real abuse and trauma and it was an obstacle in me being able to overcome that stuff. I think for people who were not ever abused it can be perfectly healthy to play out dark fantasies. It's all about what the individual in comfortable and happy with. If you have these fantasies and they are not hurting you psychologically or making you sad and you are simply enjoying them and getting off sexually then I see no reason to try to get rid of them. :) A lot of people have dark sexual fantasies, even those who were not abused but mine were involving things from my abuse and honestly making me more sad than anything.