Sex: What worries and stresses women above all else (and how to fix it)

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SEXUALITY - Everything stresses us: our job, our finances, our friendships and, unfortunately, what happens in the privacy of our room too. Although sex is presented as one of the most effective (and enjoyable) ways to relieve stress, it is also a source of concern for women. The anxiety of the performance is not limited only to men: if you find that your sex life is not as exceptional as it could be, it is possible that it is because of your own concerns.

Problems related to self-image, obstacles to orgasm and STDs are just some of the issues that prevent women from letting go and having fun in bed. If you think that all this stress does not allow you to optimize your pleasure, try to look at your lack of confidence thanks to the elements listed below and find out why it does not deserve so much anxiety.

i cannot get an orgasm during sex

This is probably one of the most universal feminine problems: recent studies suggest that about 75% of women do not have an orgasm through penetration and that 10 to 15% never have orgasms, whatever the circumstances. Until recently, the very existence of vaginal orgasm was in question.

If you are part of the 25% of women who constantly have an orgasm during sex, congratulations! But if orgasms are unknown to you, keep in mind that this is normal - and not abnormal - and that it will not prevent you from having a satisfying sex life. Experiment with other ways to reach orgasm and make sure you have a partner who is out to try a whole range of different techniques to give you pleasure.

I'm not pretty naked

The vision you have of your body is not just about self-image, it can also have a significant influence on your sex life. According to psychologist Jennifer Hartstein, 61% of women think about what their body looks like when they make love. According to a study in a 2011 issue of Fitness Magazine , 51% of women would be willing to abstain for one year if it allowed them to lose weight.

Needless to say, not feeling seductive (and avoiding certain positions that may not be very flattering) is a killer-love. Instead of forcing yourself when you do not feel like it, try something that makes you feel sexy, whether it's a friend's party, a yoga class or a massage. Having fun can also be a great way to increase your self-confidence.

A good partner will agree to wait until you are in the mood, so do not force yourself if you prefer to sit in front of a good movie. When you are ready for sex again, focus on the sensations and remember that you have the right, like everyone else, to enjoy. And do you know that the time you spend wondering what's wrong with your body, your partner will admire what he or she likes about your body.

My vagina is not "normal"

Like having a negative image of one's body, worrying about the appearance of your private parts undermines your sexual confidence. This has even led women to undergo cosmetic surgery to obtain a more "desirable" vagina. The porn industry has played a key role in the cultural conception of what "should" a vagina look like to be attractive. (All other parts of the woman's body had to change to conform to changing unrealistic standards of beauty, so why not that part too?).

This stress has recently inspired the Large Labia Project , a Tumblr that encourages women to be proud of the beauty of their anatomy by posting intimate "self-portraits". Together, these photos deliver an important message: shaved or not, small or big lips, your vagina is normal. Try to appreciate it as much as your partner already appreciates.

I am bad in bed

Let's be honest: a very average sexual relationship does not satisfy anyone. But before starting to blame yourself for your lack of sexual exploits, remember that a good experience is above all two people who are committed to give each other pleasure and not a contest.

There are many factors that make a relationship not great so if you are not satisfied, think about the things that could affect your sex life. Maybe you're not comfortable with your partner, or maybe you're not sure you know what's going on. With the right person and a little experimentation, you can live very good moments under the duvet. And as for the rest, it is by forging that we become a blacksmith!

With the same person, sex will become boring

Contrary to popular belief, married couples report having sex more regularly and more satisfactorily than singles or unmarried couples. Many will tell you, sex in a serious relationship is not necessarily monotonous. In fact, it can be even better. Intimacy and comfort are at their highest level, not to mention the fact that your partner knows exactly what you want and how to satisfy you.

It has been shown, however, that women's sexual desire diminishes with years in serious relationships. If you find that your sex life is getting a little bland, experts recommend talking openly with your other half of what you need and try new practices (role playing, sex toys, ...) to revive passion.

My libido is at half-mast

If you suffer from a lack of desire, you are not alone! A 2008 survey of 30,000 women found that many women felt they had sexual problems. 10% of 18-44 year olds also had a low libido.

You must understand that it is not your fault: a declining sexual desire can be explained by many reasons (contraception, lack of sleep, antidepressants, ...). Explanations can also be psychological (stress, depression, relationship problems, ...) to believe ABC News . If you do not know what your desire is, talk to your gynecologist because, good news, there are several ways to remedy this.

I had too many (or not enough) sexual partners

Some of us will have very different sex, others will have a sexual experience with someone. The standard does not exist. Everyone learns from their experiences, regardless of the nature or number, so there is no need to worry (but for information, between 30 and 44 years, women report having an average of 4 partners).

The STD I caught will spoil my sex life

Discovering that you have an STD is not easy but it does not mean the end of your sex life. 80% of sexually active singles will contract the human papilloma virus (responsible for the most common sexually transmitted infections) and, for example, a quarter of adults in New York have genital herpes. Having an STD is less and less stigmatizing, but if you're nervous about having to talk to a potential partner, you can try STD-related dating sites.

i do not have sex right now

Do you feel that everyone around you collects orgasms or adventures in public toilets while you are crossing the desert? Think again. In a survey conducted in the United States in 2012, half of the country's population would not be satisfied with their sex life. If it is flat calm (as it happens to everyone, should we remember it?), Do you say that when the business will resume (it is inevitable) you will appreciate even more this break that you have made.

I'm excited about doing things that I would never do in real life

Despite all the research that has been done on the subject, many aspects of female sexual desire are still unknown. However, we know that a woman's ability to be excited is generally more fluid than that of men. During a 2009 study often taken as an example, men and women watched video clips of a wide variety of sexual activities - between men and women, between men, women, animals ... - and it was discovered that if heterosexual men were excited about scenes between men and women and scenes between women, women, they have been excited more generally. However, women did not report being excited every time they were physically active. Conclusion? Our body and our brain often disagree when it comes to sex.

So if you are a heterosexual woman and you have lesbian fantasies or if you are very feminist and you fantasize about domination, remember that the desire is not always logical, moral or politically correct. That does not necessarily mean that you want to act. But if that's the case, do not worry about it. The important thing is not to blame yourself for having this or that desire.