Wow! Firstly, thank you for speaking up and expressing yourself. I think you will not regret it as I am willing to bet that keeping shit secret even compounds the issues.

Keep your head up... Impossible advice I know, but trust that one day something will click. It might be a book you read, a drug, a lifestyle or work change, a meditative concept, a diet, or actually none or all of the above. There is no ONE thing wrong with you. Every aspect of life creates a sum effect on life's quality.

I won't give you specific advice as I don't know you, but I truly am glad you did take the time to share this pseudo-anonymously with the world.