Seablue Journal: “Writing like my life depended on it.”

What a useful phrase, “Writing like my life depended on it”. In one sentence is juxtaposed the forces of creation and destruction, with the written word standing between them. It brings the whole importance of action to the forefront. This is a life or death matter. If the words are not written, death will surely follow.

Since I hit my fiftieth year, I've started counting backward towards the end. It has moved my attention from the immortal, deathless attitudes of my youth, to the growing perception of my approaching mortality. It is not a sad thing. It has its merits. Nothing makes me think more about the present than the thought that it will soon be over. Every year, the times passes more swiftly. Weeks become days, years feel like months. In the blink of an eye, half a decade can pass, with a feeling of little accomplishment.

Unless I write it down! I have discovered these past 5 years that the act of writing a journal gives me a measure of time and progress. The changes are so imperceptible that they cannot be measured from day to day. It must be a measure of a year. In these past five years, I have changed dramatically. Without the act of writing it down, even in an amateurish way. I would never have been able to fully comprehend the changes that have occurred in my life.

Now I'm moving one step forward. My professional writing has begun in earnest. I still have time to perfect one skill. I have made all manner of excuses, for why I should do something other than writing. When I make an honest account of my character, there was never a more suitable occupation in all the world!

“What qualities of character suit you to writing?” , you might ask.

I love words, I love ideas, I read often and I am endlessly searching for new knowledge and wisdom. I love being at home, I love solitude and I love being on my computer!

Personality wise, I'm introverted, intuitive, feeling and perceiving. The classic INFP. The Idealist. The Mediator. The Healer. I'm fascinated by human nature. I enjoy putting words and ideas together. I like finding simple ways to communicate complex things.

Why had I not become a professional writer earlier?

I had never thought my life depended on it! I wrote like an amateur. I worked like an amateur. It was a hobby. Never a profession. I managed to pick up a few trifling tips, but I had never studied in earnest. I had not honed my craft with diligent practice. Almost always it had been by accident and very seldom by design. That is the nature of resistance. The obvious was repelling me.

It mirrors a story I have told to so many, about looking for the treasure under our own feet, before we go traveling to the far side of the world treasure hunting. When I have taken personality tests. At the top of the list has always been the word, 'Writer'. How could I have missed it all these years? I'd yearned to develop a craft while ignoring the very thing that would bring it into being! It's absurd how stupid I have been. I can change that today, and every day after.

Starting yesterday, I made the commitment to dig up my buried treasure. There is no need for me to travel to a workplace or a business. Neither the necessity for me to hire staff, or buy office furnishings. I have only to step into my now beautifully illuminated computer room and begin hitting the keys at the appointed time. The more I bang away on the keys, the more excited my Muse becomes. She will fill me with the passion I have sadly lacked, but her price is diligence and discipline. For my sincere effort, she will let the treasures flow that I cannot yet perceive. She will pour forth the words that have not yet been written.

What do I hope to achieve from writing?

Given all the reasons I listed above, I hope to finally find myself being what I was born to do! A calling that I have never taken seriously but seems to be the most meaningful thing for me.

My first efforts will, no doubt, be amateurish. I've been playing the amateur for a very long time. But day by day, I will improve. My confidence will grow. I will gain the full measure of my ability as I test its mettle in the fiery furnace of daily trial. I will write like my life depended on it because it does!