Greedy Monster A Screenplay by thehway

EXT. CENTRAL PARK, NEW YORK - AFTERNOON

Thoughtful lawyer DR DOLLY DOOP is arguing with gracious shopkeeper MADAME WENNA WU. DOLLY tries to hug WENNA but she shakes her off.

DOLLY
Please Wenna, don't leave me.
WENNA
I'm sorry Dolly, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
DOLLY
I am such a person!
WENNA frowns.

WENNA
I'm sorry, Dolly. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
WENNA leaves.

DOLLY sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, witty doctor MISS HANNAH MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.

DOLLY
Goodness, Hannah! Is everything okay?
HANNAH
I'm afraid not.
DOLLY
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
HANNAH
It's ... a monster ... I saw an evil monster frighten a bunch of children!
DOLLY
Defenseless children?
HANNAH
Yes, defenseless children!
DOLLY
Bloomin' heck, Hannah! We've got to do something.
HANNAH
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
DOLLY
You can start by telling me where this happened.
HANNAH
I was...
HANNAH fans herself and begins to wheeze.

DOLLY
Focus Hannah, focus! Where did it happen?
HANNAH
Greenwich, London! That's right - Greenwich, London!
DOLLY springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

DOLLY rushes along the street, followed by HANNAH. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. GREENWICH, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER

CHARITY BARLOW a greedy monster terrorises two children.

DOLLY, closely followed by HANNAH, rushes towards CHARITY, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

HANNAH
What is is? What's the matter?
DOLLY
That's not just any old monster, that's Charity Barlow!
HANNAH
Who's Charity Barlow?
DOLLY
Who's Charity Barlow? Who's Charity Barlow? Only the most greedy monster in the universe!
HANNAH
Blinkin' knickers, Dolly! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most greedy monster in the universe!
DOLLY
You can say that again.
HANNAH
Blinkin' knickers, Dolly! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most greedy monster in the universe!
DOLLY
I'm going to need razors, lots of razors.
Charity turns and sees Dolly and Hannah. She grins an evil grin.

CHARITY
Dolly Doop, we meet again.
HANNAH
You've met?
DOLLY
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young DOLLY is sitting in a park listening to some reggae music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees CHARITY. She takes off her headphones.

CHARITY
Would you like some wine gums?
DOLLY's eyes light up, but then he studies CHARITY more closely, and looks uneasy.

DOLLY
I don't know, you look kind of greedy.
CHARITY
Me? No. I'm not greedy. I'm the least greedy monster in the world.
DOLLY
Wait, you're a monster?
DOLLY runs away, screaming.

EXT. GREENWICH, LONDON - PRESENT DAY

CHARITY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
HANNAH
(To DOLLY) You ran away?
DOLLY
(To HANNAH) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
DOLLY turns to CHARITY.

DOLLY
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
DOLLY runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

DOLLY
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with razors.
CHARITY
I'm not scared of you.
DOLLY
You should be.

EXT. A GREASY DINER - LATER THAT DAY

DOLLY and HANNAH walk around searching for something.

DOLLY
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.
HANNAH
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.
DOLLY
You know nothing Hannah Malkovich.
HANNAH
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, CHARITY appears, holding a pair of razors.

CHARITY
Looking for something?
HANNAH
Crikey, Dolly, she's got your razors.
DOLLY
Tell me something I don't already know!
HANNAH
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
DOLLY
I know that already!
HANNAH
I'm afraid of dust.
CHARITY
(appalled) Dude!
While CHARITY is looking at HANNAH with disgust, DOLLY lunges forward and grabs her deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.

DOLLY
Prepare to die, you greedy sprout!
CHARITY
No please! All I did was frighten a bunch of children!
WENNA enters, unseen by any of the others.

DOLLY
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Dolly Doop defender of innocent children.
CHARITY
Don't hurt me! Please!
DOLLY
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these razors on you right away!
CHARITY
Because Dolly, I am your mother.
DOLLY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

DOLLY
No you're not!
CHARITY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
CHARITY tries to grab the razors but DOLLY dodges out of the way.

DOLLY
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, CHARITY slumps to the ground.

HANNAH
Did she just faint?
DOLLY
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.
DOLLY crouches over CHARITY's body.

HANNAH
Be careful, Dolly. It could be a trick.
DOLLY
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Charity Barlow is dead!
DOLLY
What?
DOLLY
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
HANNAH claps her hands.

HANNAH
So your razors did save the day, after all.
WENNA steps forward.

WENNA
Is it true? Did you kill the greedy monster?
DOLLY
Wenna how long have you been...?
WENNA puts her arm around DOLLY.

WENNA
Long enough.
DOLLY
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Charity Barlow.
WENNA
Then the children are safe?
DOLLY
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.

WENNA
You are their hero.
The children bow to DOLLY.

DOLLY
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Charity Barlow will never frighten children ever again, is enough for me.
WENNA
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the children passes DOLLY a shiny pendant

WENNA
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
DOLLY
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.

DOLLY
Well, if you insist.
DOLLY takes the pendant.

DOLLY
Thank you.
The children bow their heads once more, and leave.

DOLLY turns to WENNA.

DOLLY
Does this mean you want me back?
WENNA
Oh, Dolly, of course I want you back!
DOLLY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

DOLLY
Well you can't have me.
WENNA
WHAT?
DOLLY
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
WENNA
But...
DOLLY
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Hannah.
HANNAH grins.

WENNA
But...
HANNAH
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
WENNA
Dolly?
DOLLY
I'm sorry Wenna, but I think you should skidaddle.
WENNA leaves.

HANNAH turns to DOLLY.

HANNAH
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
DOLLY
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly HANNAH stops.

HANNAH
When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the monster don't you?
THE END

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