But Maaaahhhm! I don't wanna go to church!
My wife and son and I went out for dinner with some family friends tonight. They live in the states, but one of them is from Japan, so they are here to visit every summer. We met around this time last year as well. These two fine people were originally church friends, but myself having left organized religion, we no longer meet up there, but still make time to get together once in a blue moon.
To tell the truth, each time my wife and my friend's wife make arrangements to meet, I am always a little reticent, and wonder if it will be a "waste of time." These people are lovely people, and very kind, don't get me wrong, but I really cannot tolerate the phony "Christian-ese" of the typical "churchy" type, or the cardboard conversation that typically ensues when talking "churchy" things.
I also don't like feeling like I am being judged for using profanity, drinking a beer, or viewing the Bible in a realistic, historical context. To be fair, each time we meet, these friends really don't do these things to me. I think after so many bad experiences in the past (and present!) though, with religious types, anytime I think of "hang out" and "Christians" I immediately feel myself revolt at the idea.
Tonight I was reminded of something important.
Much like last year when we met around this time, by the end of the night I was very glad we had come. How do I always forget that meeting up with these two is worth it, and really is a blessing to me?
Here's how.
Upon shaking my friend's hand and him saying "praise God" after I told him I had been doing good, my chest began to constrict a bit. By the time we had sat down to eat and he said "I think Trump is God's grace to America," I had to excuse myself from the table to go to the coffee machine at the drink bar. I needed to think. This is ridiculous, I thought. What am I doing here? I can't sit through this bullshit. I decided I couldn't just leave and go to the car (though I wanted to), nor could I just sit there smiling at such utter nonsense.
"Trump drone bombs kids in the Middle East. That's murder."
My friend didn't really ignore my words, but he didn't exactly acknowledge them either. I took a sip of coffee, waiting to see what would happen. Nothing really did. It was just...a conversation. He continued talking and I continued challenging him here and there, and he challenged me at times. Why did Donald Trump suggest investigating the link between vaccines an autism? Was it for votes....?
Eventually topic shifted and we got onto alternate tunings in music, vaccines, 9/11 truth, climate change, and other such issues. We are actually on the same page in regard to most of these things. When he told me that American churches are run like businesses, and are irrelevant, because they don't talk about anything that's in the news, or corruption in government, I let out a hearty laugh. How is this guy, and hardcore Christian, saying this shit? Right on!
Book by it's cover, etc.
By the time my son was squirming around ready to go home two hours later, and our friends seemed ready as well, I had a warm feeling inside. I decided I would pay the bill. When they tried to offer me money I looked my friend's wife in the eye and said "I want to. I don't do things like this if I don't want to."
We said our goodbyes and farewells outside and then went our separate ways. When we were safely hidden in our car I said to my wife "You know, I always think I'm going to be miserable, but it's always good to hang out with them. I may not agree with the Trump worship, and stuff like that, but they are good people, and they wanna know the truth. They're on the way, and my friend doesn't hide what he thinks. That's what counts. I needed to talk to someone who understands the same stuff I do about the government. I needed the warm hug and handshake. After feeling so hateful and angry all week watching police brutality videos and dealing with annoying individuals, talking to them made me feel human again."
What is funny about my Christian friend is that when he talks about "the spirit" and "doctrine" I know exactly what he means. We may call things by different words, at times, but like he said, "Neither of us hide our light under a bushel. I feel we are very similar and on the same path." I cannot disagree. Now I just hope he comes around to the GOSPEL OF FULL Voluntaryism soon!
(My favorite part of the night though, and when I felt prouder than I ever have to be a father, was when my son looked around confused at everybody praying while mowing down on his pizza, closed his eyes, put his hands together and said in a strong, sincere voice: "God. Help me eat a lot of pizza!" My friend's flowery religious words couldn't hold a candle to the spirit of a kid who doesn't need "saving." The kingdom's already his :)
~*~
~KafkA
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
I think it's very important that we do listen to opposing voices to avoid becoming an echo chamber, but it can be really hard to have our beliefs challenged. Unfortunately refusing to listen to the "other side" is just getting us in a bigger mess.
I totally agree. I think @kafkanarchy84 puts his money where his mouth is here.
I know this prejudice feeling you have. I am very open minded but I often have these thoughts as well, especially when it's a huge religious person. We should listen more often before we judge... Your son has a great mind judging from his comment :D
You definitely got a vote and a follow from me. I loved it. I loved your spirit. I'm sympathetic to both of you. It must take some discipline and a measure of tolerance for you both to sit down at that table every year. There must be a reason for it--I'd say you both consider one another worth the time. I say keep it up. Also, way to not totally walk off but just go get a cup of coffee and cool down, and capitalize on what you had in common.
Hi,
i follow,vote and resteemed your post
thanks
I understand .. May your wish come true .. @kafkanarchy84
That kind of situations often happens in life. We are the adjusting machines, have to adjust ourselves in every walk of life. I come to know that you don't believe in religion, me too, when ever I prey to thee,I think in my heart "if you have in reality then please help"like this type of thoughts grow in my mind. I am still between the two, existence of god. But I believe in Friendship and humanity, I think good people are the messenger of god. As you had help the people for them you are the messenger. Any way thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Have an wonderful time friend happy steeming.
"I needed the warm hug and handshake. After feeling so hateful and angry all week watching police brutality videos and dealing with annoying individuals, talking to them made me feel human again."
Exactly. I watched Cell recently, and it's a good general analogy for the way people use technology. Not necessarily the tech itself, but peoples' use of it, is often alienating, and can make us live in our own heads so much that we forget anyone else is out there,much less sane. I'd argue that most people are trapped in this state, and have a similar emotional reaction to someone else disagreeing with them. Only difference is openness; you're willing to talk and have a meal with them, and most people just keep driving to their next PokeStop. That's where we all need to get if this thing is to turn around.
I'm glad you spent a nice evening with family friends!
God, help me from ever believing in you!
I have followed you from my first day on Steemit, and I love every post you do.
You always get the brain cogs turning.
I think it's important to have friends that you can be honest with, and have these conversations with. Listening is KEY. You may not agree with each other but you can learn from each other.
Thanks for the thought provoking post
haha i can understand.... proud moment !!
Nice Please follow me back and upvote my post