Don't Use Absolute Statements In Your Relationship

I am so guilty of this one. It's something I'm actively trying to work on. However, using absolute statements in your relationship can cause many issues.
What are absolute statements?
"You NEVER Do ______"
"You always do _____".

Most of the time, these are negative things. We rarely hear these things in a positive light. There wouldn't be anything wrong with it if you use them only in positive instances. As you could say to your partner, you're always there for me; you always know what I need. You always take care of the family. Of course, this may not be fully accurate. But it at least lets your partner know you greatly appreciate their efforts.
They feel unappreciated.

Usually, in these moments, when you say, you never do blank. It's an emotionally charged situation. And all that person will hear is when you say you never or always. Is "Hey, all of the times that you have done that, I haven't even acknowledged or paid any attention to it because I only care about all the times you failed to do those things."

It makes the person feel unappreciated. It makes them not even want to change anything or improve. Because they aren't getting credit for when they do those things. They say you need more positive - interactions over negative for your relationship to be successful. Well, you can add positivity to an emotionally charged situation by saying something along the lines of; I felt like you weren't listening to me in that situation. Rather than you never listen to me.

Men often notice the absolute statements.
With a lot of us women, when we say you always are or you never, We know, and it's an exaggeration. We know that. We know our partner does these things or doesn't, but we're upset and just spit that out. And it can be a tough habit to break. I feel like when we ladies are interacting with each other. We take it that way; we understand it's an exaggeration, but many men don't see it that way. They take a lot of words for face value rather than looking at all the underlying things to it.
That's why it's important when we communicate with men. We need to be bluntly, and we need to say the things that we mean. I had many instances in my past relationship where I used absolute statements.

"You always," "you never." He would always get upset about it, and I didn't get it. And then he would bring up, you know, all the instances or the times that he did do those things or didn't do those things. And I would get mad, feeling like he was trying to change the subject or he was trying to invalidate my feelings. So it became this toxic argument where we weren't getting anywhere, it wasn't productive. And of course, hindsight is 20/20. Now I realize why that happened. I just needed to change my wording a little bit for him to be more empathetic towards my feelings when I was trying to. Talk to him about what was upsetting me.

It puts them on the defensive.
Instead of being empathetic towards what you're talking about and working towards a solution, they see it as an attack. They are getting no credit for the things that they do. They might already feel unappreciated. In a lot of situations we don't appreciate our men enough. So he's probably already feeling starved about that. So this adds another. Cut to the wound. And puts him into a defensive stance rather than solving our issue. So, giving him credit where it's due is essential. You could mention that you usually do these things well, but recently, you've been following short. Are you OK? That way, you're coming at it from a place of love and concern over aggressiveness and criticism.
It could be a childhood wound.
Unfortunately, we are constantly doing things throughout our lives due to our childhood wounds. You are using terms like "you always" and "never" could be a sign. That you still have childhood wounds that you need to work through. In your past, these are things that you never got. So you're blaming your partner for it. You are saying to your partner you never listen to me. It probably needs to be more accurate because I'm sure your partner does listen to you, otherwise you might not be with them right now.

But maybe throughout your childhood, your parents didn't listen to you. And you felt like you weren't being heard, ever. So now when you say you never listen to me, you're referring to what you went through in your childhood.

There are so many ways where we are inflicting pain and wounds on our partner, and we may not even realize it. And this is just another one of those things if you're doing some of the other things. Is going to add up quick and it's going to injure the relationship gradually. We all want to feel love and appreciated for the things that we're doing in our relationships. And yes, we want to have that open relationship where we can bring up grievances. But it's essential to do it productively so we can get what we're looking for.

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