Severing Friendships & Relationships

Introduction

I watched a video today from Self & Living, where @sunettespies talks about her relationship with things being unsettled. She briefly mentioned friendships and severing ties, and how to determine when to walk away or give space in a relationship.

Looking at my past relationship with severing ties in friendships, I would do it within impulsivity, rage and anger towards those who I felt have ''gone too far'' in manipulating me, abusing me, or betraying me. I would BLAME THEM for what ''they did to me,'' instead of seeing where MY RESPONSIBILITY was within all of it -- where did I EQUALLY CREATE this situation WITH THEM where it got to the point where we had to cut / sever ties?

In a relationship, whenever there is a problem, it's never just about ONE person - both or more people who are in that relationship are involved and responsible somehow. So this is why whenever you feel so justified that someone ELSE is to blame for the situation, you need to stop, place a mirror in front of you and ask where is my responsibility in all of this? Trace back in your memories to see how your words, behaviors and actions have CONTRIBUTED to where you and the person / people you're blaming are at.

When things get out of hand in a relationship, and you kind of question how the hell did it get so bad, sometimes the best thing to do is to take a break from the people / situation so you can process and deal with what led up to such an event / circumstance.

The Situation

Some time ago a situation happend where people I thought were my friends hurt me so much I had to leave and cut away ties. At the time I didn't know how to communicate my leave to them, so I did it as professionally as I could, keeping in mind the consequences if I told them the truth. I needed the space to process what happened and who I was within it all.

Leaving was not an easy path - I had to figure out how to live my life without them and what we did together.

The best way for me to deal with my pain was to cut off all ties - online (social media) and off. I had to get away, and for a long time I was quiet - deep in pain as I processed where I lost my authority, my voice, and my power.

So many regrets, but so many learning lessons stepped forward that I took with me during this time. I saw some professionals that supported me through the grief and pain and provided insights on such matters. My husband consoled when he could (despite it being new to him too), though overall, I had to face what happened alone, both within (thoughts, emotions, experiences) and without (society).

Though the more I worked on my inner self, I developed an ability of becoming more aware of me and who I am with people. I have more of a reference of when I am becoming nervous, insecure, or compromising myself around others, and I know how to read people better. I know how to be careful about how much personal information to share to others because of my past of having my personal life and secrets be exploited.

Conclusion

At this point I recognize there are people who naturally don’t like me or won’t ever like me because of something I am, or say, or do - so I let those people go and move on - I continue to be and share me. I understand the people I am meant to align with will come into my life, or through situations I walk into.

And - whether we like someone or not - the best thing we can do is be CIVIL with one another.

When I recently faced someone that was involved in my pain, I placed the past behind me and focused on being civil with them, and what I learned all this time. I realized if I didn't do this, it would be a devastation for everything I worked for. That interaction I had with them was a stepping stone for me to build a courage, compassion and assertiveness I didn't think I had -- but it's there - it's always been there, unearthing itself as I continue to be and work towards the best potential of me.