Ok people, I want to ask you all a serious question. Why does it seem to be the prevailing understanding that “if you do not fight in your relationship, your doing it wrong.”? Now, I get that everyone is going to have disagreements, your significant other is going to let you down, and no one is perfect, but from what I see and hear, my God, you all take that statement and thing it means slap down drag out arguments are to be expected and totally normal. WFT people!
One thing I pride myself ono is being a good listener. When ever my friends have issues, drama, whatever, I really am a willing and open ear for them and try to provide good life advice where I can. Over the last few years the amount of people who have told me about arguments they had with their boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone actual spouses at first amused me. Now it worries me. This pattern of fighting is bad on one level because it speaks to couples who are not evenly matched. 2corinthians 6:14 tells us not to be yoked with unbelievers, “For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” but I see this across the board it seems. What is it that makes people think that domestic violence is acceptable and “just how we argue”, or that such arguments are in any way healthy for a relationship?
I am here to tell you that after six years of marriage, I have never hit my wife, and almost never have raised voices, and to be honest, the arguments in general are very limited. When we do have disagreements or someone does something the other doesn’t like, we compose ourselves, and we tell them, we discuss, and together work to correct the problem and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Are we really that much of an anomaly in the world of relationships? From what I am hearing, apparently we are!
We have friends who are involved in this whole swipe date crap. O I am going to see Guy A tonight, Guy C for lunch and sleep with Guy B tonight and then rearrange them tomorrow, while pouting over guy D who dumped me… WTF. And you wonder why you are single? When you belittle yourself and your partner to a swipe, you are settling for the bottom of the barrel. Raise your dam bar people! Again, I know I am an anomaly. I was friends with many people, heard lots of stories, and earned a degree in friend psychology, dating psychology and marriage psychology from the school of life and hard knocks thanks to the many people I met and learned from over the years. I knew Christian couples who had been together for 60 years and still adore each other. I knew and know people who couldn’t keep a date longer than an hour. I used this knowledge and experience to form a few bedrock understandings about life.
When I was forming my code to live by, I took inspiration from many sources. When it came to the women of my life Daniel kirkley’s song, “sacred moment” was powerful. Here is a link to youtube but lets unpack the lyrics.
Daniel Kirkley – Sacred Moment
She makes me crazy, she makes me smile. Gonna let her have my heart for a while. She's got me dreaming 'bout what could be, Something in her touch brings out the best of me!
Ok so we all know this feeling! That first time you see the girl of your dreams. You know you are invisible but she smiles at you anyway? Right? Daydreams galore about everything from sitting by a lake holding her hand to the far distant future of making her your bride… o wait we are still in middle school, well you et the idea. Dreams go wide and fast. Ok lets continue with the song.
Could this be love, too soon to say. Maybe just friends, I don't know, either way,
I want this to be, A sacred moment in her life. Guard her heart and treat her right.
There may come a day, When she's someone else's wife.
Wait, what? STOP the PRESSES!!! Could be love… ok great, got that down. Maybe just friends, well yea we have all be friend zoned… either way, I want this to be a sacred moment in her life, guard her hear and treat her right…… well we all want to treat her right….. but how many of us consider the fact that when we are out there dating, tearing through as many new suiters as there are swipes in our swipe date account that the person whose time and energy and heart we are taking up might actually some day be someone else’s spouse… Sure we all on some level think, yea they will one day get married, but do we ever stop and consider the responsibility we have to that future spouse for the time we are occupying now? Are we treating our dates with such respect, knowing that our influence now will reach into their next relationship and bless or taint those future interactions? In a pervious post you saw how I attempt to treat my friends as family. My female friends are sisters. This allows for a level of nonromantic platonic intimacy that I want to be a sacred time for them. What does that even mean you might as? In short simple terms, it means that I want my time with them to be cherished a s a strong comforting friendship that they can look back on when they are married with no regrets, no remorse and feel that they were lifted up, encouraged and cherished and that in no way would my time with them hinder or complicate their marriage.
If she's not mine to have and hold, May this time we share be known as: A sacred moment.
A sacred moment in time. A time they can always remember fondly for the adventures, the spiritual discovery, the times of prayer, the feeling that they always have someone willing to stand by them, stand up for them, and help in any way without expecting anything in return. That is love unconditional, that is agape, that is want it means to be a man of God.
She keeps me praying, lead me, Lord. Don't wanna say and do things I'll be sorry for.God, show the way to live out Your love, Strengthen her faith, let me be a man she can trust.
I want this to be A sacred moment in her life, Guard her heart and treat her right,There may come a day When she's someone else's wife.
Wow, well I don’t know about you but those words hit a cord with me. What a woman to keep me praying that I stay of the straight and narrow, praying that she is guarded, and that her faith is made whole. See this is what we need in our relationships, prayer that our friends and significant others can see God in us, but more than that, that their faith is made strong, that they are protected, that we are being show how to live out His love about all. When are able to give ourselves whole heartily to the mission of loving others, we will feel loved in return. So often todays relationships are transactional verbal abuse contracts where one or both parties want something. Physical, emotional, monetary, or socially and simply are together to get what they want now with no thought to the future, no though to the other parties future and no consideration as to what these actions are doing to them. When you reduce love down to a series of actions and transactions, you miss the whole point.
Love is sacred, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
So let us learn to love again. Let us consider our time with friends and dating partners. Whoever’s hands we get to hold, lets make it a sacred moment in their life. For those not yet married, you don’t know if that person will one day be someone elses spouse. Use this time to build each other us, and strengthen one another. lead me, Lord. I Don't wanna say and do things I'll be sorry for. God, show the way to live out Your love, Strengthen her faith, let me be a man she can trust. Make all of your relationships a sacred moment. And for heaven sake, a Slap down drag out argument is not a sign of a good relationship, or normal relationship, its domestic abuse and a sign to get the hell out and raise the bar!