Recognising our past to move into a new future

The past few months have been so interesting for me to observe. For many years I’ve been involved in mentoring and coaching young black people, making an effort to engage with people of other races, visiting them in their homes and working to understand their culture and share my privilege. It’s a path I’ve muddled along, made mistakes as I’ve gone and learnt so much in the process. It has made me a better person, a more compassionate person and I believe, a better citizen.

This past year, my engagement has been on a far larger scale, instead of being one-on-one or with small groups, it’s been an entire community. And it’s brought perhaps the greatest growth for me in my awareness and also in my understanding of the challenges facing South Africa. I live in a unique are which is a microcosm of South Africa – it has the three main race groups, the entire spectrum of income, it is both urban and rural, has luxury gated estates, RDP Housing and a Shanty Town all nestled into a small little valley. It’s problems match those on a national scale – the rioting, the peaceful protests, the ineffective policing, the inadequate infrastructure, the lack of service delivery, the corruption in so many areas, the political manoeuvring, factionalism, racism, the Penny Sparrows, ignorance, the power of money, greed, manipulation etc etc. If you find the headline in a national paper, I can match it with a local equivalent. They say if we can find a solution for our town we have a blueprint for the rest of the country and that would be correct, if we can also get people to acknowledge and own the problems, but that, as at a national level, is another whole ballgame.

Perhaps the most interesting the part of this past year has been how it has affected my relationships with people. How strangers treat me – some with admiration, some with curiosity, others with outright hatred. But perhaps the most telling for me has been how my friends have responded – or not. I’ve met and made some wonderful new friends along the way, but I’ve also lost a few – the ones who’ve quietly just faded out – no responses to messages, no more phone calls, the awkward silence, the hidden (but not unnoticed) “unfriending” on FB. It’s sad that they feel so uncomfortable that years of friendship are not enough for them to feel safe enough to engage or to try to understand. The thing is, I understand where you are at, I know how uncomfortable this is, I know how scary it is to engage with something that challenges your identity, your belief system and social programming – I was there too. We grew up in a society that is programmed to make us racists – it is part of the social engineering of apartheid and its legacy – but if we can find the courage to question it, engage with it and challenge it, we can start to find a kinder, safer, happier society that we can help build and be part of, but that won’t happen unless we start to recognise our role in it.

Confronting the difficult subjects of race and our role in the problem – and therefore our need to become part of the solution – is such an uncomfortable subject for white South Africans that many cannot even attempt to engage with it. At times I have to check myself, can I post this, should I post this, I’m job hunting – will this hurt my prospects (and unfortunately often it will) – because the sad truth is that between guilt, shame and denial, for many people the idea of being confronted with it, via a video clip, a news article or a FB post, even alone in the privacy of their own home is too scary. Trevor Noah said something very telling in a recent BBC interview – he said, “white people have become so afraid of being called racists, but they have not stopped doing racist things”.

For many white South Africans, and for a few of you – I know that the response is “I’m so sick of the race card being played; it’s been more than 25yrs; well then why do they keep voting for the ANC; it’s all Zuma’s fault; they are a bunch of thieves;” etc – the list goes on and on. What I’m asking you to do is to stop and listen, to be truly honest with yourself, ask yourself why it is that people will post on a FB community page re their concern about a white homeless teenage girl living on the streets but see past young coloured and black kids scavenging through dustbins on the same streets? Why we feel more pity for the white man at the traffic light with his begging board than the blind black man being led by a child? Or our emotional response to the idea of white families living in squatter camps vs the hundreds of thousands of black families that call that their home? Why do we object more to the addition of low cost and/or informal housing in a neighbourhood, but not to the development of luxury estates and apartment blocks with a higher infrastructure burden than any informal or low cost development will have? Or object to the clearing of trees for the development of an informal housing area, but not the removal of trees for a luxury estate?

How do we speak to our domestic workers – do we still call them servants, and is the man working in your garden the Gardener or the Garden Boy? Can you live off the wage you pay them? Are you paying them what you can get away with, or what they need to support their families? If they live in, are the meals the same as yours, or do you still buy maize meal and a bag of chicken and/or some soy mince and expect that to be nutritionally adequate till the end of the month with some bread and tea thrown in from the kitchen (and don’t forget the tin cup and plates)?

These are examples of the remnants of a system that has no place in our society any more. These are racist actions – and by design, the reinforcement of the white race as superior to other races. It feels horrible doesn’t it, especially if you recognise some of these things – in your own home, or in others?! And that is why we need to talk about it. Why we need to engage with this difficult subject and challenge our words, our thoughts and our deeds.

I know that this is uncomfortable, and I know it is scary, but if I can do it, so can each and every one of you who have a lot less to lose than I have. You don’t have to go out and work in the townships like I do, but by understanding how your thinking and behaviour affects the people around you and the society you live in, you are able to change and adjust your behaviour. If enough people do that, we can start to reshape the dialogue in this country and work towards a more equal and just society, where there is less anger, less poverty, more opportunities, improved safety and a happier more peaceful nation. Why wouldn’t you want that for your friends and your family, for our society?