A smoke filled room...with the aroma of coffee in the air. I sit down for the next hour and I pull out a pack of smokes. A dude asks if I can have one. I give. Someone else hears, then she asks. A few meetings later...my pack is gone. This repeats the same... day after day. Even though I move to different spots in each meeting...I begin to notice the cast of usual suspects finds seats near to me. I don't know how to say no so I suffer in silence.

I finally, in desperation ask an old timer how to keep my cigs. He says..."Are you sure you want to know?". I say sure. "Next time someone asks...tell them..."Sorry I only have 19 left." This makes no sense to me but I thank him and go on to the next meeting. Soon enough a familar voice in a familiar face...asks for a cig.'Sorry dude...I only have 19 left.'. The look on his face. You should have seen it.The double blink. The double take. Then the resentment colours his face and he looks away. Same with her in the next setting. All through the day, next week and month...it works like a bloody charm. Perfection.

And the cast of usual suspects stop sitting near me. I adopt it into my repertoire of new behaviours in a new life and slowly begin to learning that saying no will not kill me. 28 years later an old cast member of the usual supects sees me on the street. 5 seconds into the conversation he says..."Hey Zholla...you still an asshole?" Without batting an eye...I say yes. Ah. The sweet fragrance of perfection.