First of all, I admire your immense courage for sharing this with us. I can imagine it must have taken a great deal of guts to write about this difficult phase.

Secondly, I am not sure how this might sound, but just like you didn't care while writing on this important subject about yourself, similarly I don't care how this might sound........ Take a step back from all the pills, anti-depressants, therapies and shit. My belief is that these things never work in the longer run. They might give you some short-lived benefits and all, and you might think that this is it. But as you said, it all comes back again.

Instead, evaluate yourself. Try to know your purpose, to yourself, to the ones you're surrounded with, to the ones you matter and the ones who matter to you. Because, we all have a purpose here. Some of us get to know it soon, others might take some time. And that's completely normal. We aren't meant to function the same way. Each one of us on this planet are born with a unique set of traits and qualities. It's just a matter of time and we do find it, eventually. Trust me, when we do, we do start seeing things around us as bliss, rather than a routine. We start to take things positively, no matter the nature or vibe of something is positive or not. We start to talk more than we usually would, share our state of mind with the person with whom we have a social connection.

One thing that you need to have faith in is that its just a 'phase'. Like all other phases of life, this will pass, too. I've been in some really hard times a few years ago, and trust me, in the end what I realized was the fact that except the loved ones, no external factor can actually help you, if you're not ready within yourself to make something right. If that something is you, yourself, the rule still remains the same. I didn't go for any medication at all, even though I was advised to do so. I just didn't feel like giving up on myself and going to a person who doesn't know shit about my life, expecting him/her to fix me? No way! So what I did, instead, was to spend more and quality time with my loved ones. I started reading and doing other things that I did have an interest in (sports helped me a lot). So yes, the energy will always come from the inside. The urge to do better will always generate from your heart or your soul.

Just a matter of time.. faith.. patience. Life will always get dark momentarily, I take it as an opportunity to assess myself, otherwise I don't even get the time to realize how amazing life is, with all the ups and downs, with all the good and bad moments in it... and the way I've been dealing with all the shit I've been thrown at during the worst of storms. All we need to do is just take some time out and thank God for the beautiful life we have been blessed with! And the way we always make a comeback whenever we've been pushed around.

P.S: Good food will always help.. sorry but I had to be honest about this, too :)