Oh and I watched a lot (maybe too much) Jordan Peterson in the past weeks. I pretty much got it all: I am aware of my problems, but can't seem to fix them like a Borderliner. I am very charming when I meet people until I get very cold, mean and resentful which is typical for the NPD and I am either feeling like I am superman or that I am the worst scum to have walked on earth which is typical for manic depressions (bipolar).
Maybe I am just a normal person trying to justify his angst and insecurity with fancy psychological terms. Can't even tell at this point.
It took me a few years to break the hold of some irrational beliefs that were formative for me, adopted in my dim, unremembered childhood. I also encourage you to shop around for therapy. You probably will note the disparity in ability, intent, and empathy between them as you do.
I hope your insurance doesn't make you see only a particular provider. Finding one right for you is essential. I quit when my therapist retired.
Now I take Xanax =p
All my best wishes for your evolution into what you know you can be.