The way I see it, the CURE for shyness is MORE AWARENESS.
Once you become AWARE of how shyness works, the "structure" of
shyness, only then do you really have a choice in the matter. You
can't change something until you become totally aware of it.
Have you noticed that you can't "Convince" yourself to stop feeling
something? You have to become aware of exactly how it WORKS to
become conscious of the unconscious.
Here's how -
To my way of thinking, the OPPOSITE of being "shy" is being PROUD. And
True Pride is your natural birthright. It is a love of life, and
knowing that YOU are an expression of life.
Look at a FLOWER. A flower isn't "shy" at all... a flower stands tall,
stretches itself out to the sun and says to the world, "I AM awesome,
and so are you whether you realize it or not!"
Okay, that was corny... but my point is that flowers are PROUD. Nature
is proud. And my CAT is EXTREMELY PROUD... it's seems that only HUMANS
violate the laws of nature.
You never see impotent dogs or “frigid” cats. Only humans are able to
screw up sexuality, which is the healthiest and most natural expression
of love there is.
By the way, when I say that Pride is the opposite of shyness, I'm NOT
talking about being "Too Proud".
Narcissism isn't pride at all; it's "Pretend-Pride". It's FAKE pride.
It's the old, "I'm better than you are" stuff, and deep down people
like that have an under-LYING inferiority complex.
Now that we can see what the opposite of shyness is (true pride), let's
take a closer look at the shyness itself, and break it down into it's
key components.
We all have an Ego. You know, that voice in your head that judges
everything and everyone in sight... including ITSELF (how ironic).
And it's the Ego that's in charge of running the Shyness Department. IF
you let it.
In order to BE SHY, you have to do certain things in your head (and not
others). Here's the way it works -
There is a "Light" and a "Dark" aspect to shyness, or DUALITY, and also
a "Grey" aspect.
You have to do three things in order to be a real black-belt in the art
of shyness.
1- The "Dark" aspect:
First of all, you have to have certain things about yourself that you
don't like. Because if you loved and honored yourself FULLY, you
wouldn't be shy. You would be too proud to be shy, and you would
express yourself FREELY. Duh.
Since MOST HUMANS lie, cheat, and steal to a certain extent, and since
we do retarded things like polluting the environment, and since we
waste valuable time watching game shows and porn... and since most
humans do not always live with honor and courage, let us lump all of
that into one category and call it LACK OF INTEGRITY.
To me, "Lack of integrity" means that you violate the Natural Laws of
Life and Love in one way or another.
It's fair to say that most humans lack integrity, it's just a question
of degree.
All people who lack integrity (and who actually have a CONSCIENCE) will
have shyness. That's why Hitler wasn't shy, no conscience, no
EMPATHY.
When you look at "Players" who are able to CON AND LIE their way into a
woman's heart (and her pants) without any remorse, it is because they
lack empathy and compassion. Since they lack those things, it's easy
for them to justify their own actions to themselves. It's a wonderful
series of lies that they not only tell women, but tell themselves.
A "Player" is in total denial, the same way that a drug addict is in
denial. You hear them say retarded things like, "I just can't help
it . I love women!"
Yeah, you "Love" them so much that you use them as a masturbation tool
to prop up your own Ego, night after night, trying to fill that empty
void that can never be filled... How romantic.
So shy people are actually MORE SELF-AWARE than "Players" are. Sure,
they lack a certain amount of integrity, but at least they know it!
But anyway, shy people want to HIDE THIS INFORMATION from others. They
are ashamed of the Self, of the lack of integrity that they KNOW that
they have. We hide from others because we're ASHAMED, deep down, that
others will FIND OUT that we lack integrity.
So that is the "Dark" component of shyness, the desire to HIDE this
lack of integrity, rather than just CONFRONTING AND CORRECTING IT.
So that's step one, violate your own values, feel guilty and ashamed
of yourself, and then do your best to make sure other people don't know
about your lack of integrity. YOU HIDE and call it "Shyness" to soften
the blow.
2- The "Light" component that creates shyness has more to do with the
IMAGE of how we would like other humans to (hopefully) perceive us.
Let's face it, our Egos WANT other people to like us, to think that
we're "Cool", smart, clever, important – you name it.
We want to be loved!
Actually, we con ourselves into thinking it's "Love" but in the end
we're just seeking approval. Most humans are confusing those two
energies. Much of what is considered "Loving" and "Romantic" is
actually just neediness and co-dependency.
Now, you take a guy who is a little too attached to wanting people to
approve of him, and yes, most humans have an addiction to APPROVAL...
And you put this guy in front of a hot girl, and what does he do?
Right! He fears her REJECTION. "What if she doesn't approve??"
He is SOOOO ADDICTED to pleasing everyone around him, women, parents,
peers, his boss, and even his almighty "God", addicted to their
approval (because he doesn't approve of HIMSELF, remember, he lacks
integrity. If he truly loved and honored himself, he wouldn't have
developed this addiction in the first place).
So he lacks integrity and he's ashamed of himself on many, many levels.
Now he needs to make up for his own lack of self-love and honor - since
he's not getting it from himself - so he develops an addiction to
getting it from OTHER PEOPLE.
He now needs OTHER people to approve of him to fill that empty void.
So he develops a whole series of approval-seeking behaviors! He tries
to show other people that he lives with integrity. MORE LIES to cover
up the basic lies. Nice!
3- There is a third component to shyness, we'll call it the "Grey"
aspect. It has to do with POWER.
Human beings are quite often afraid of their own power. On many levels
we're afraid of success, or at least we're afraid of the
PERCIEVED/IMAGINED CONSEQUENCES of power and success.
To give you an example, I have received plenty of emails from people
who have asked me how to break up with someone smoothly.
They are afraid of their own power – they believe that they have the
power to HURT someone. But you can't hurt people by leaving them, you
can only hurt their Egos.
Shy people are afraid of their own power too, but it's usually outside
of their awareness. Deep down, they're afraid of being "Better, or ,
Superior" to others.
A person who feels inferior to others usually daydreams about becoming
SUPERIOR to others. Ever daydream about beating the shit out of someone
and getting recognition for it, or maybe even a girl?
Sure you have...
Ever daydream about winning an argument, or a chess match, or anything
else for that matter, and has your Ego enjoyed the resulting feeling's
of superiority?
Shy, meek, little mouse-people have a hidden desire to be superior.
On the other hand, macho, arrogant, narcissistic and "Superior" types
of people are truly afraid that they are inferior.
Many people go back and forth between those two states, depending on
who they are talking to. A shy guy may act like a little mouse in the
presence of attractive women, then he will turn around and condescend
his children (for example).
A macho-man might act tough in front of his friends, but he'll turn
into a mouse in front of his boss.
If you are shy, let me ask you something -
Have you ever JUDGED someone for being arrogant, macho, or
narcissistic? Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why do all the JERKS
get the babes?"
Well, the reason that you make those judgments in the first place is
because those energies are within YOU.
Same thing if you judge rich people like Bill Gates. Do you realize
that every time you judge someone who is wealthy, you are actually
programming yourself to remain poor?
Think about it! If you hate wealthy people, and then you become ONE OF
THEM... then you'll have to hate yourself, won't you?
Look at all those people who win the lotto, and then lose everything
after two years. Subconsciously they feel that they do not "Deserve" wealth.
It's no accident that the government is "So generous" when they hand
out ten million bucks. They know that within two years, the money will
find it's way back into THEIR economy.
Fear of power, fear of success. Careful who you judge... you are
really just judging yourself. “Hatred” of successful people is really
just jealousy that is “masked” as hatred.
And there you have it. It's the structure of shyness. The "Dark" side
is the lack of integrity, the “light” side is the desire to convince
other people that he already has it, and the “grey” side is the hidden
fear of actually getting it. A wonderful "Vicious circle".
It is THAT simple.
(I feel the need to bring this up: I'm not JUDGING anyone for being
shy. I'm just pointing out the structure of it. The CORE YOU is not
shy, it's just your Ego. I don't judge people because I understand
that they have simply been taken hostage by their Ego.)
So how do we TRULY get over this?
Step One – Detach from your Ego; stop thinking that your Ego is "Who
you are". The voice in your head is just a bad recording, and you can
switch the tape at any time. You are not your thoughts. You are the
Grand Programmer BEHIND the thoughts. Switch the tape and you'll
change your FEELINGS.
Step Two – Learn to breathe deeply and Stay In The NOW. The past and
future aren't real, only RIGHT NOW truly exists. All painful emotions
boil down to thinking about past and/or future. Return to the Now and
the shyness can no longer exist.
When you approach a woman, be in the Now. No THINKING! And realize
that approaching women is just a natural expression of Love and Nature.
Recognize Rejection" for what it really is, HER EGO.
Step Three, Learn to align your life with the Natural, Universal Laws
of the Universe. Have REAL integrity, instead of the fake Barbie and
Ken stuff.
There are Seven Basic Natural Laws and they are in accordance with each
of the Seven Chakras. I'm afraid that there is no getting around this
stuff... You're either IN TUNE or OUT OF TUNE.
