This was a very thoughtful and reflective response. Thank you for sharing. Personally, I feel that even mild swats can do damage to children based on all the recent evidence. Nonetheless, I applaud that fact that you came to realize the inconsistency between your behavior and what you were teaching your child. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to admit you were wrong and start parenting with a different style. Most parents wouldn't have the self-awareness to acknowledge that kind of contradiction between what they say and do.
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Thank you :-) and yes, it indeed took a lot of courage. To this day I sometimes wish I could take back those horrible moments. I am just glad that I stopped when I did, especially when he almost turned his anger on another kid. It was hard to teach myself to hold my breath, count to 10 and walk away. When I calmed down, I would talk to him about his actions. I don't recall too much about my own childhood since learning to block most of it out. But I do know that it did cause me to have anger issues. I learned to control it over the years. I didn't want my son have to live with that also.