Time to get raw and real....

Today has been one of those days when depression seems to be knocking at my door. Feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities that don't feel like mine. Hence my earlier post about being everyone's anchor. 

I am asking myself "when is it my turn to do what I love and others to be responsible?" When do I get to enjoy what I do everyday, or at least on a more regular basis? When is someone else going to take care of me, rather than me taking care of them? WHEN IS IT MY FRIGGIN TURN?!!!! 

Yes, there is a part of me that is still wishing someone would come and rescue me! I have longed to be rescued since I was a child being sexually abused by the multitude of people I was left with while my mother went off living her life as though she had no children. 

Yet another PTSD side effect of being abused that stays with you, haunting daily life. I am so tire....really tired. Fighting back tears, even as I type...( I say as I swallow the lump in my throat). Again, I ask myself "does this ever go away?" Is there really ANYTHING that heals the wounds of repeated sexual abuse, abuse that was ignored and even denied by the very person who was suppose to protect me? 

The jury is still out on that for me to be perfectly honest. I know that tapping, meditation and other holistic things help to some degree, and my life was so much harder before I found them. But is there ever truly freedom for someone like me?

Okay, too many tears coming now that I couldn't hold back....