The effects of PTSD on daily life....well mine anyway.
So today I had to go to a couple of stores to get a few things. For most people that would be no big deal. But for me shopping is full of triggers. Smells, colors, too many people, or even just someone who looks like or sounds like one of "them" can cause a flashback. I remember the first time I had a flashback in a store, only I didn't know what it was then! I just knew it was overwhelming and terrifying to say the least! Standing there looking at office supplies and all of the sudden I was overwhelmed with a strong chemical smell that I could taste.
I looked at my friend who was with me and could see she was totally unaffected. That made the terror I was feeling even worse! It was the first of several flashbacks like that, usually in stores but not always. I never know when one will show up which had caused me a great deal of anxiety that use to keep me housebound.
Thankfully, I have worked to overcome that and now I am able to go out and about, but still not alone. This has had a negative affect on my self esteem, I have often felt weak and a burden. Which would cause me to over give of myself, saying yes when I needed to say "no", or saying no when I wanted to say "yes". I am working on changing that!
One of the things I have done for myself lately is getting my certification in TFT (Thought Field Therapy). I have been a fan of tapping, I have felt it work on myself and seen it work on others I had lead through the process. I am DETERMINED to do as much as possible to release the grip the past has on me...I am not holding on to it, it is holding on to me. As I said in my inro post, I don't know if a sexual abuse survivor ever truly heals completely. I guess I will see. :-)
You're gonna make it through this just fine. :)