But what are you doing for self-care?

Not long ago I broke down in a meeting for my eldest child. KID1 has some difficult needs and what I mean is he has needs that would be difficult for any parent, but are especially difficult for me. With the help of a behavioral therapy team, I have made great strides in being able to better parent an unpredictable child. My progress has been enormous, and like a mirror, KID1’s has, too.

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In a session with our behavioral team coordinator today, the topic which originally reduced me to a shaking, crying huddle was reintroduced. We were trying to figure out why I freaked out when I heard that the behavioral team would not always be with us. What was intended was, at some point, we won’t need them anymore. Our family has made so much progress, especially KID1, that we can almost see a day he can manage his own needs and me mine.

Instead I heard that we were going to be abandoned. My reaction was largely a result of my parents disappearing followed by my husband’s parents expressing that it is too hard to care for all three of our kiddos at once. I saw the brief respite from caretaking disappear from the horizon. Thus the tears.

Caretakers need breaks. They are essential to our mental health. While we are no longer living in high alert minute-to-minute, our home dynamic is still quite energy-consuming beyond a family of three typical children.

The fact is, of the five of us, two are atypical children, one is an atypical adult, and one is an adult with anxiety and depression. We are a family of different needs, and it is hard all the time.

I was asked today what I am doing for self-care. Well, I write. I CrossFit. I I have Wed evenings to myself. I have a teaching job that gets me out of the house Monday evenings. I Netflix. I take medication. I supplement. I eat well. But I’ve been out of talk therapy for awhile.

So, after rattling off the list I was told, “Those are great maintenance tools. But what are you doing, other than writing, that is active?”

Here’s where writing for release and recovery has it’s limits: when you are going it alone rather than with a therapist or coach. I am the teacher—the only one around here.

Which means. . . it’s time to head back into talk therapy.

I’m less than delighted, but I need this. I need a voice outside my head that supports me. A person who isn’t going to carry my feelings the way my husband does. I’ll begin this week or next.

The truth is I’ve been writing very deeply. Much has been accepted and released. Lots is moving inside me, and it’s deeper than what I’ve already unpacked. I shouldn’t keep unpacking without a guide. PTSD nightmares are reason enough. But feedback from a trusted family team member helps.

What are you doing for self-care?