I'm currently taking a psych class that covers a specific treatment plan for individuals with borderline personality disorder. Outside of being a surprisingly interesting class, I've also learned some techniques and concepts that have honestly improved the quality of my life and relationships. One of those concepts is validation, which I think might help some of you as well.
Validation is the art of seeing someone's perspective, often an emotional one, as reasonable given the circumstances. This does mean that you condone that perspective, but rather, understand that it deserves equal respect. For instance, this is NOT validation:
See how this is a dismissal of the person's deafness. A validation of this individual's problem would have may have sounded like this: "It makes sense that you're deaf given your bartending stint at the Live Music Café. Have you tried hearing aids?"
See how this response seeks to understand the person's situation before offering a solution. Now I know hearing aids aren't a cure for deafness, but hey, there's a limited supply of validation cartoons out there.
Anyways, I bet if you guys take the time to think about it you will realize that this is unspoken aspect of some of your better relationships. Sometimes it's ok to tell a person that they are being dramatic, that their feelings are unjustified, but more often than not, you would do much more to help a friend feel better if you took the time to look at things from their point of view.
Hell, sometimes all a person wants is to know is that it makes sense that they are experiencing the emotions they are.
While I agree validation is important, I disagree that telling someone their feelings are unjustified or that they are being dramatic is the right thing to do for validation.
Validation is about letting the person know their feelings are worthwhile or valid. In my opinion, to practice validation, would be to let the person know you understand. In one of my counseling classes we learned a basic empathy response, "you feel this ___ because ___." It would show the person that you see he/she feels a certain way and state why you think they do, and then allows for the person to clarify and communicate. Validation would open doors for more communication. Like you said, it does much better to help a friend feel better by showing you care and see things from their perspective.
shut up cow
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I do, I do
pity u kid!
8 Ways To Stop Acting Like A Insanely Insecure, Jealous Crazy Person.
Get in touch with your body's reactions.
Wear a rubber band around your wrist and "snap yourself out" of jealousy.
Replace negative self-talk with realistic self-talk.
"Reality check" the situation.
Keep a journal.
Don't bring up your insecurities to your partner.
Pro-actively plan for how you respond the next time you feel insecure.
fuck your mom.