It's called a negative feedback loop, positive feedback, learning new habits break that loop.... We are so mean to ourselves when we drop the ball and so kind to others when they drop the ball ....Don't be so hard on yourself @inber (hugs, hugs, hugs)

I learned to meditate on my breath to break the loop, but hugs from friends, helping others (service work), walking, art, you know about this part helps too...I am not saying you will get better but you can learn to live with pain without doubling your pain through negative reactions...What I found after breaking the chain in my conditioning was I stopped tensing up in my mind and body (Horrible Panic attacks and night terrors), which lessened the stress I was causing myself by reacting to something out of my control, which was my illness...

I mean eventually we all get sick and will die that is the plain and simple truth of this life.

I wanted to take this experience and use it to help me live with my illness in peace, which eventually will help me die in peace. I learned to make friends with my depression, I explored it, found all it's depths and stopped being afraid. My tension and stress became less and I was able to see clearly for moments at a time instead of reacting all the time...These moments of peace and clarity were a gift and I could not see them without breaking my habit of conditioned reaction to my depression and pain.