Hurt turns to Resentment, Resentment turns to Anger, and Anger turns to Rage!!!

This is a concept which I present to everyone to help interrupt isolated anger incidents, whether as a teen, pre-teen or adult. If someone is angry and willing to sit and talk about it, then ask one question: “What are you really feeling underneath that anger?” Promote a discussion about any feelings that might come up. Ultimately, my goal is to get the person to discover that there is almost always a “hurt” that is the precursor to the anger. If we can discover the hurt, and then express the hurt, in an appropriate way, we can interrupt the escalation of the emotions that often end up in anger.

So what is an appropriate way to express the hurt? Having a friend or family member who we feel safe enough to confide in about an incident where our feelings were just hurt is very helpful. This action is usually all that most children and adults need to do to interrupt the escalation of feelings.

If you notice that your teen is especially sarcastic lately, but willing to sit and talk, then again ask the question; “What are you feeling underneath all of that sarcasm?” Promote a discussion of feelings. Again, I believe that HURT is the culprit and needs to be identified, expressed and released. Try It! You need to make the teen feel very SAFE to talk about these feelings.

Most people who are walking around very, very angry would need more than this technique to release hurt and then desensitize the anger. Most people need to work through the anger, expressing it verbally, physically or on paper. But, I truly believe that if we can express HURT when it comes up, we can do a great service to ourselves in interrupting the escalation of feelings to Resentment, Anger and Rage.