This is a very big eye opener. I too grew up in a home that believed in spankings. Some of my siblings got it worse than what they should have. Even at a very young age, I ran to a neighbor to make them stop my mom from "beating" my youngest sibling (she was 4) over an accident. We would also get our heads banged together if we argued (which 40 something years later still makes me head shy). Because I grew up with that environment, I too spanked my child when he was little, to correct his behavior. It was random that I did so, but it stopped after the sad look he had in his eyes. As he got old enough for school, I was told he almost hit a girl who made him mad. That was the longest conversation I had with him about how hitting was wrong. From that day forward any punishment only consisted of no electronics, no tv, and bed time was an hr earlier (anywhere from a few days to a week).. I now have a mellow teen, who knows how to control his emotions and actions. I do still have my drawbacks on how I feel about parents who do/don't spank. I have seen some kids (one being a relative) that push all the right buttons. There is a fine line between a few swats, and downright paddling with a belt, or whatever means. But I do have to say, it is never ok to hit a child in the head, no matter what the reason.
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This was a very thoughtful and reflective response. Thank you for sharing. Personally, I feel that even mild swats can do damage to children based on all the recent evidence. Nonetheless, I applaud that fact that you came to realize the inconsistency between your behavior and what you were teaching your child. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to admit you were wrong and start parenting with a different style. Most parents wouldn't have the self-awareness to acknowledge that kind of contradiction between what they say and do.
Thank you :-) and yes, it indeed took a lot of courage. To this day I sometimes wish I could take back those horrible moments. I am just glad that I stopped when I did, especially when he almost turned his anger on another kid. It was hard to teach myself to hold my breath, count to 10 and walk away. When I calmed down, I would talk to him about his actions. I don't recall too much about my own childhood since learning to block most of it out. But I do know that it did cause me to have anger issues. I learned to control it over the years. I didn't want my son have to live with that also.