Well egotheist. I 've just read your story. I feel I'd like to meet you personally in order to have an interesting conversation that perhaps would help you. By now, please, let me tell you this: Don't believe too much in so called "specialists" I invite you to find information about the way how the medical industry (Both doctors and pharma) business work. Most of them are moved just by money and a sick person that recovers is a client gone. They need sick people, without them their money s gone. Sadly, it is difficult to have a more extensive conversation here but briefly I'll tell you that such "medicine" you mentioned above, Lorazepam, as many other ones used by psychiatrists are very dangerous, they are addictive and damage your health with the time. I know some cases of this sort. There are many other things I'd like to tell you, which are difficult to deal with right now but for now, I recomend you a) Daily excercise, starting with little and, later on, some more intense; b) eat vegetarian fresh food. c) Select your special friends but keep good relationship with all, but do not mix with anybody, always prefer to be with honest and courtious people. d) Improve your environment, keep it clean and orderly and try to enjoy nature (Green is the best color, an enemy of psychiatrist). e) design your own concious and carful plan to keep doctors and phama away. -- Thanks for reading