Thanks @chelsea88 and I have had ppd before and the signs were similar. I knew there was no more trucking on left to do so I hit the ceiling of my limit and knew I couldn't go further. I was genuinely afraid of what could have been past it. Too many lives were at stake to find out. I did the most unpopular thing which was sending him to a much better place for him to live and consider the byproduct of that as another finger to society and it's damaging standard.