Been asking the same questions for a long time. Even until now it’s not that clear. I’ve learn to embrace it. Answers are all in the way. Sometimes they just come. It’s hard going through this crisis. That feeling of anxiously looking for purpose. That feeling of why am I even here and what for? I can’t find any reason at all why I have to do this and that. There is another reality flashing back and forth in my head. And it’s freaking terrible to see a colorless reality at the peripheral of your colorful rendered reality. I know there is no way to unsee it. But I want to learn to dance with it. I have to make peace with myself, I have to tame those inner demons to get through. It’s my only way to survive. I have also learn not no rely more on people. I don’t know, I can see deeper than what’s shown.