Your post touched me. I used to feel sad often due to my problematic family and personal issues. This might sound like a cliche, but you are in charge of your own happiness. I was able to overcome my sadness by doing what I love most, which is writing. I also started my own business and help other women succeed, too.
Where you mentioned, "But one thing I miss a goal and this creates a deep pain." This makes me believe that you are an over-achiever, and this is great! but you cannot beat yourself down just because you missed a goal.
Always remember that you are not alone, and you are not the only one facing harsh times.
I wish you the best!