Imagine when you go out with your friends and someone just walks up to your group and stands at your table and starts having a conversation with your group? I believe at home in the Netherlands it's a bit weird to do so. We would wonder what this person would be up to. But actually I believe this to be a strange thing because one of the main reasons people are going out is to have fun, meet others and socialize, right? Why are some of us reserved in certain situations and outgoing in others?
Outgoing people
I want to discuss this subject a bit more as I believe it's of interest to any of us to become aware of our behaviour during certain situations. I live in Valencia, Spain for a week now and I'll be staying another five months. I've met so many people these days and find it peculiar how the atmosphere here differs from the one I'm used to back home in the Netherlands. It reminds me of my backpacker time in Asia. Everyone is outgoing, introduce themselves to others and behave like they already know each other for years.
Isn't that the way it should always be like?
Photo: Full Moon Party in Thailand - a hotspot for backpackers and party people
I mainly think that everyone seems to be more relaxed here. Most of us like to meet new people and especially during a student exchange or in a backpackers hostel people do. I believe people are nice, outgoing and open to meet people because that's the way it's expected in such atmospheres. In this student exchange situations, I know that people like to meet other new people. Knowing this, personally gave me a relaxed feeling and confidence to simply talk to anyone. This made me meet beautiful people from all around the world.
Reserved people
I believe that back home in the Netherlands people are way more reserved than the people I meet on the road. You might have experienced this moment that you approach someone in a bar (or anywhere else) but they just wouldn't want to talk to you. I believe it's quite rude and I can't understand why someone would be like that. I had it before and it's actually quite awkward to be rejected that way. But what would be the reason for people to do so? They seem arrogant in a way, but what might be the actual reason to be so?
It might be that people are insecure or have other issues. They seem to be arrogant but I'm pretty sure that negative behaviour can often be explained by other underlying reasons. What do you think about this?
Different atmospheres, different behaviour?
Strange as it is, attitudes and behaviour are dependent on the atmosphere. During holidays, festivals and for example my student exchange here, people seem to be way more open and outgoing. It's weird because it's the same people behaving way different in their own countries in other settings.
There's many situations where people are more reserved and you know they are and it's considered to be normal. This automatically makes you more reserved as it's considered as normal to be like that.
I think it's an ongoing circle that if it's normal and expected to behave social and outgoing (which actually is expected in for example backpacker hostels) people feel more relaxed and will connect. So you know people want to connect, it's expected and normal, so people will do so.
Photo: backpackers hostel where I stayed last december (on the Gili Islands, Indonesia)
But isn't it strange that there's a difference after all? I believe the world could be a better place if we try to bring that student exchange or backpackers mentality everywhere and breach that ongoing circle of being reserved human beings.
@chrisadventures I live in the Netherlands and I'm experiencing what you just wrote up there about being reserved and honestly I'm enjoying it. It's true that in Asia and maybe where you are now we are more open and it's a great feeling that way. Loneliness won't exist I think. I've been here for a while now but I only know the name of the next door neighbor and the couple who parks their car in front of our facade. In the Philippines, I know the names of my neighbors till the 20th street from my house. There's also a disadvantage to that - when it's party time - it's extremely positively happy but as you may find out later - life is sometimes up and down - like the up votes here haha...
The disadvantage is during the down moment - if someone makes a mistake or went through something embarrassing - the whole town gets to know about it even if the person just told his friends.
I guess, I like it here more in the Netherlands being this way .. I've met warm people in thevolkstuin and I came to the conclusion that - the older the people here are - the more open and chill they seem to become. I'm near 40 but I hang out with folks older than I am and it's actually more fun. I think it's the younger people who are more reserve here - I see competition as one factor that causes it - everybody's watching each other - just not saying a word - on my first years here, we went to venice and some people around us saw that we did and went also - its creepy when others do that but I guess that's how life is everywhere in the world - even in Asia , I used to live in a condo or apartment and it's not the same as in the countryside or the normal city life in the Ph, too- everyone's cautious of the other person. But you're right it's extreme here .. however, I don't think it's arrogance, I'm in the East and I've only met friendly, fun, warm heart and helpful (some even offer to help me carry a bag of grocery some times) people around here.
As for what Mahatma said out there - it's true ... you can become the change you want and when you do - you'll attract people with the same energy as you . Have fun in Valencia!
I often think about this while working at music festivals. During fests everyone is happy, communicating with strangers, exchanging ideas, sharing things, working together, making new friends and contacts... It's always great to be in that type of environment, I hope it gets spread to more daily life.