"Poor me"/ Comparing to Others / Giving Away your Energy / Self-Sabotaging / Over-Thinking

POOR ME...?

I saw a quote on Instagram that FLOORED me recently... (I'll share it after the intro) and really gave me pause to check myself and face up some pretty hard truths.

After an intense 6 weeks...including having had an incredible Shamanic Healing in a Treehouse in the forest from Jeff Firewalker Schmitt (Look up his TED Talk, he's awesome) and then having to have a minor operation & being pretty poorly afterwards recovering this past week or so...(my body is not happy with me for the general anesthetic!!)
I have been pretty emotional & letting go of some old stuff that really needed to come to the surface to be grieved, transmuted & let go....
But it's been REAL these last few weeks...I've had some huge important realisations about my mindset, the way I've been conducting myself, treating myself, prioritising & how that has contributed to - more often than I'd like recently - having low moments of feeling like a victim, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about the future, feeling hopeless & comparing my life to others lives around me & feeling hard done by. All so negative!​ But hard to get yourself out of that mindset sometimes.

And sometimes you just need to let yourself BE THERE for a minute, so you can honour your HUMAN feelings - we are spiritual beings in a HUMAN experience - we can't always be zen, and light and positivity 24/7

This is the quote that stopped me in my tracks :

"The worst people to serve are the Poor people. Give them something for free, they think it's a trap. Tell them it's an investment, they'll say they can't earn much. Tell them to come in big, they'll say no money. Tell them to try new things, they'll say no experience. Tell them it's a traditional business, they'll say hard to do. Tell them it's a new business model, they'll say it's MLM. Tell them to run a shop, they'll say no freedom. Tell them run a new business, they'll say no expertise.
They do have some things in common: They love to ask google, listen to friends who are as hopeless as them, they think more than a University Professor and do less than a blind man.
Just ask them, what they can do? They won't be able to answer you.
My conclusion: Instead of your heart beats faster, why not just act faster a bit; instead of just thinking about it, why not do something about it.
'Poor' People fail because of one common behaviour: Their Whole Life is About Waiting."

• Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.

Well. This really told me. These excuses are basically exact my internal voice negatively blocking and sabotaging me by:

• Stopping me from actually making progress on my goals, or starting something, or deciding to focus and follow an idea through to completion, or take a risk, or make a change.
• Getting caught up in listening to my friends advice instead of my own intuition.
• Justifying me wasting hours talking through worries or dramas (mine or theirs) with my friends on Whatsapp Messenger...telling myself I am "being a good friend" when actually all I'm doing is procrastinating away from my own self development, goals, study, advancement.
• Distracting myself with small things which I trick myself into thinking are big things or worthy of hours spent ruminating on them or discussing them with others. Under the guise of "planning" "researching" "being a good friend" "chatting" "socialising".

How many hours have I spent counselling my friends in the last couple of years? I have spent 10 years being a good friend & prioritising others over my own goals, just so I don't actually have to ...what? Try? Live my own life? Face the terrifying possibility of success...or failure?
Another unconscious behaviour preventing me from moving into abundance and possibility, and out of that low vibration mindset of "poor me"/comparing myself to others , always coming up short/losing hope that what I want will come to me etc.

This gets me nowhere & these thoughts & distractions - letting other people or situations that seem to just pop up in my life - take my energy, my focus, my attention, my love - take priority over ME. And what I need to be doing IN THAT MOMENT to succeed for ME. And my daughter. Taking me away from being present with my daughter in that moment.

Example: I realise I spent a whole evening worrying, thinking, researching, hypothesising on where I would actually be able to practice and see clients once I have my Personal Training Certification and have got to the level of a Reiki Practitioner - looking on google to see if there were any workshop or studio spaces to rent near me or in the area nearby where I thought would be good for clients etc - essentially convincing myself I was doing research for my future business but actually what I was doing was pointless procrastinating and catastrophising - I ended up in a spiral of thinking that went like this:

• "Ok I'd love to find somewhere where I could have space to train people, put on small to medium-sized classes, have a therapy room so I could partner with a massage therapist & I could do Reiki in there too. I could even team up with a friend who is a Yoga Teacher yes and she could do this and this and I could do that and that. It'd have to be near this town as that's where all of our target market live and work. I could even do a little juice bar at the reception and small retail space to bring in extra revenue from clients who come to the studio for classes etc." (Thinking I'm being creative).
• "But then wouldn't I have to apply to the council to change the use of the building...? Maybe no-one would be able to come and buy juices when there was a class on because who would make the juices for a customer if I was teaching the class? Well that'd cost me extra for another member of staff to be on Reception, would it even be worth it? Maybe I could put a sign on the door? no that's silly."
• "God there's no spaces anywhere near where I'd need or want them that are suitable and the ones that are...well how would I ever afford them?"
  "Maybe there's no point maybe I'm not the sort of person who is ever going to be able to own their own business or take the leap...'Poor Me'."
• "Well what if I were to win the lottery or find an investor? I mean I could then buy this incredible old warehouse space which would be perfect with an apartment above it...Wow it's amazing, God if only I had £899,000 - I KNOW I could make this place amazing...all that's missing is the money.... WHY can't I be like this person I know or that person I know who has rich parents or a trust fund, when will I ever get to that kind of level in my life where I could have choices and opportunities like that?? I guess I'll just have to settle for mediocre and struggling then...Yeah I'll just continue with that I guess. I'm never going to have access to opportunities like that in my situation"
• "Why do I even bother...I'm just going to give up."

CUE a big sigh, stuck out bottom lip, then getting distracted by helping a friend with some sort of advice or dilemma on Whatsapp or scrolling through Instagram feeling sorry for myself. GAAAADDDD !!!! Pull yourself together Ella !

FACE PALM !!!

Do you know what I should have been doing during those hours of useless worrying, victim mindset, procrastinating?

STUDYING FOR MY PERSONAL TRAINING CERTIFICATE !!! Or Meditating and going over some Reiki Energy exercises.

JESUS !!!

Putting one foot infront of the other and building a foundation for myself, using my energy and intelligent mind power that I was wasting on this useless crap above ^ on bettering myself and on actioning a STEP that will actually take me closer to being able to even start thinking about this kind of business. Because apart from the obvious fact that looking at properties to potentially rent, months and months before I even would need to rent them, is completely futile... it's a way of avoiding - feeling like I'm TRYING but not ACTUALLY DOING. Giving myself a reason to perpetuate the cycle or belief of "Well I try so hard, yet I never get anywhere...when is it going to happen for me?" WAAAAAHHHH.

Hard to admit I have those self indulgent thoughts but yes sometimes I am weak and I do.

Well, it's not going to happen FOR me.

I have to make it happen. By actually DOING THE THINGS

Things that would actually give me a chance of changing something in my life. Earning more money. Taking that first step to be able to even see clients & charge £30-40 an hour.

I know that I am a powerful, creative and intelligent person but I also know that I have not been harnessing those qualities and using them for MYSELF and MY LIFE and to put myself in a position and on a path to receive​ all the goodness that life has in store for me.
I'm like a Spiderman who has just been given his powers and doesn't know quite how to use them yet so I'm just sticking to walls left right and centre !

By not taking control of my mind and harnessing my own power for my own good, I am letting my creative mind run wild with creating ALL the WRONG kinds of things - Problems, Drama, Imaginary Blocks & Negative Beliefs about myself and my life.
I am not using my mind's incredible power to create for GOOD, so it is taking the reins instead and just being plain EVIL and the only person who is dragged down & hurt by this is myself.
I am also giving my power away to others more often than not - and not even the right one: my daughter - who deserves it & needs it more than anyone !
I have been giving my power away to guys who pop up and are attracted to me and attractive to me, and I am letting them distract me from my path, my focus and my priorities before they have even shown me or enough time has elapsed to see whether they even deserve to be a priority, that they'll even be around for the long term to support me with my goals and on my journey. It's like "OOH SHINY! MAYBE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH HIM? WHY HAS THE UNIVERSE BROUGHT HIM TO ME IT MUST MEAN SOMETHING" and I get almost completely side tracked from what I am supposed to be doing.

This is something I have been working on - being less codependent, creating and keeping healthy boundaries, prioritising myself, not identifying with drama or negative self talk & beliefs & giving away less of my energy - for a year or so now, but this recent illustration of my own procrastination and self sabotage has been SUCH a revelation, and the clearest it's been to me now, what I really need to do.

Even writing this blog post...writing ANY blog post, I have been putting off and deprioritisng for months. NO MORE.

Thank you for listening if you've got this far & I hope maybe even just one person will recognise some wisdom or tough love for themselves in here as I've had to give to myself over the past few days!

Don't try, don't think, just BE & DO

+ella xxxxx

Please comment if you identify with any of what I've written - THERE MUST BE OTHER NEW SPIDERPEOPLE WHO ARE STICKING TO WALLS??

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My instgram account is @blissworks.co if anyone is interested in my fitness/healing journey or pics of my liiiiiife.