Wonderful article, very concisely put. Keep doing what you're doing, writing what you're writing, sharing what you're sharing and feeling what you're feeling.

I sense this fear you talk about is present in all people who don't fit into the culture.

Personally, I feel it's like "adapt or die". I can only guess that there was some moment when I was younger where I was made to feel that if I didn't comply, I would be killed.

This big dark fear could never really reveal itself until I could deal/manage with it. Now you're grown up and have some independence - it's coming to light because you can handle it.

I know it might be scary, but go into it as much as you can manage. Think of it a bit like a dementor from a Harry Potter film. Once you can see it and face it, it won't have such a debilitating effects.

You're doing really well and you'll get through all this. :)