I think he no longer loves me

Often, clients apply for this request: "My partner does not give me support, he no longer loves me. When he needs something, I listen, do, help. And I do not get anything back. "That's how often we devalue ourselves and our partner in a relationship. We do not feel loved and meaningful, and ourselves, as if, cease to love.

Why does this happen?

Of course, it is worth sharing your dissatisfaction with the partner's behavior, and openly ignoring you, unwillingness to help you or disinterest in your relationship.

If this person shows interest in what is happening to you and is ready to discuss conflicts and nuances, then this article can be useful to you.

When do we need support?

When we feel injured, wounded, hurt, misunderstood, betrayed, abandoned ... the list can easily be continued ...

Here, you come home, after a hard day's work. The boss in every way indicated to you your incompetence, colleagues joked, and you spent a lot of strength to save face.

At such times, we seek support for the nearest. In this case, I'm talking about a partner in love and / or family relationships. But it can be anyone who is important to you.

And so, you tell this terrible story to your husband, that, like, bastards and rascals offended, doubted. A husband somehow, in your opinion, begins to devalue your experiences, to say that this is quite the case, and in general, do not exaggerate.

And, in general, this is also support. Only not such, and not about that. And it seems that everything, he does not care about me.

How so? The whole world is against me? I'm so terrible, bad disgusting, and I'm doing it all wrong, and I'm not. There are a number of reasons why you feel like you have fallen out of love and you do not want to help.

You are very sensitive and vulnerable, so even light criticism or misunderstanding at this time seems destructive to you.

You do not clearly state what kind of support you need. You want, that you have simply regretted, have stroked on a head and have told or said what circle of reptiles, and what you remarkable? Or, maybe you want the one to whom you are applying for support got up and solved all your problems?

Do you accept that your partner may refuse to support you at this very moment for your no less important reasons?

Do you know how to support yourself in emergency situations?

What happens to your relationship after you have not received the necessary support? What does your partner look like now? He does not like you anymore? You can no longer rely on it and trust it? Have you harbored resentment?

Now you look at the husband through a veil of resentment. And he's somehow suspicious, cold and completely alien.

What should I do?

In my opinion, first of all, do not get excited, do not rush to partner with charges.

Try to look for support elsewhere: friends, relatives or support yourself. When all the passions are settled, what should have been discussed? What is the reason that the partner was not able to provide you with the necessary support?

You somehow calm down, and ask:

"My dear, but yesterday I was so sorry for you that I regretted you, and you somehow brushed off a couple of sentences from me, why?"

- Sorry, I somehow did not think that you needed something else. I somehow always so consoling myself, and it helps me.

Discussed! Have understood! Have accepted! But it happens that the sediment still remains unpleasant. And it seems that you do not like him, as before, and it is not at all clear what kind of person this is.

How so, we live for so many years, and he did not know. And it was never interesting to him. And I'm not interesting.

How can you rehabilitate a partner in your own eyes?

I am clearly convinced that I need to start with myself. You need a clear understanding of what makes you so vulnerable and vulnerable? Do you accept yourself in this? Do you accept your partner when he is vulnerable, vulnerable and not omnipotent?

Yes, it looks like I'm somehow uninteresting to myself with this eternal whining. Well, as much as you can, the same thing. And I deserved that my husband does not care. In general, how does he live with me?

Opa, there it is. And the truth is, how can he love and support me if I do not support myself.

Yes, I can be weak, whine and resent. And he, too, may not be ready to support me. So, how did I deal with my bad feelings? And, as though I baked a cake and complained to my mother. Exactly, now, if my husband does not support me, I'll call my mother.

It is only necessary to remove the high expectations from yourself, accept your weakness and not ideality, as soon as you accept it in your partner. And you can find ways and people who will support you; Do not destroy relationships and yourself.

Author - Valentina Anisimova

Practicing psychologist, gestalt-therapist, specialist in work with dependencies.

Contacts:

valentina-anisimova.ru

Phone: 8-917-540-68-66

E-mail: anisimovaval@bk.ru