Thank your for your thoughtful response. I resonate with you saying you dont know what to make of these past experiences. I feel similarly. Perhaps holding this paradox is part of the power of the experience.
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I think so. It's kind of a microcosm or illustration of our lives in general in that sense. All experiences might not be quite as they seem - not least because we don't directly experience the world, just our brain's interpretation of it. Sometimes it's good to be unsure about what's going on, what to believe, or what to do - even when there's lots of evidence. Other times, it's best to be sure, to fully commit to a decision, to fully embrace an emotion - even when it looks like you might not have good reason to do so.