I've never been a big believer in God. My logical mindset means I have to see it to believe it. But today I got on my knees by the side of my bed, clasped my hands as tight as I could and with tears rolling down my face made my first attempt to ask/beg God for help.
I asked him to look after every person I've ever hurt emotionally, to give them the strength to be at peace from the suffering I've caused them and to help them see that the harm I caused was never intentional or a reflection of how little they may have felt I cared for them.
To help them see that I never wanted to cause them the pain that I did.
I asked him to help them find happiness and the strength to keep me out of their lives so that I couldn't hurt them in the future.
I asked him to help my siblings forgive each other so that my mum isn't hurt further by their avoidance with each other and so that my young nieces can grow up together.
I asked him to give me the strength to hold on till after my mums 60th birthday.
I asked him to give my loved ones the strength to cope with my death and not allow it to destroy their lives.
I asked him to allow me to die so that anyone I was destined to meet in the future will be spared that torture.
and lastly I asked if he wouldn't allow me to die yet that he give me the strength to isolate myself from others so that I don't affect anyone new.
I hope he exists and heard me but if anyone else has a better connection with him I'd appreciate you trying to get the above messages to him.
Be kind, always
Sharky
Ref: 1
This is so touching i hope it would get you alot of upvotes
I'd say don't be too hard on yourself. We have all fucked up, and in the process have hurt someone else but the past is gone and we have to move on. It doesn't mean you cannot meeet anyone else because you are a terrible monster. The mind will try to make it look as if what you did is terrible but I'd say let it go and give yourself the opportunity to meet new people. Once you do that you'll see what you thought about yourself is not real. I've been suicidal before and it was due to a mania, I imagined things that were not true. Maybe your perception of yourself is not correct and you are not the bad person you seem to think you are, and if you are, great, simply correct yourself. For my self correction and to free myself from my limitations, I walked a free online course that might interest you called DIP Lite - It helped me to get rid of stuff in my life that no longer served me but was a burden to me, it is really cool. Basically they helped me to help myself. http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
Cheers
Thanks for the link and kind words Rubin. As you can tell I tend to have a very dim view of myself but I wrote this after my ex had broken up with me so my emotions were even more raw than normal. It's not easy when those you love tell you how horrible you are and doesn't do anything to improve self belief to the contrary. Will deffo check that link out x
You are welcome.
I see, cool it is not always that way.
I have not gone through a difficult breakup but it must be very difficult.
Because of replying to your post, I wanted to assist other people and today I wrote a post about how I started to improved my life with DIP Lite that may inspire you. Self-forgiveness is like daily praying.
Cheers
nice thing to share..it's very personal things, and often do in your own sanctuary..
Congratulations ...... You just broke chains
Do an introductry post with a paper on your hand that has your user name
No not like that ...... Go to #introduceyourself to see what i mean
I'm afraid that's the best I can offer. Because of the personal content I'm posting I'm not willing to show a picture of my face. This way I can be more real and true to my feelings in the posts I make. I have made an introduction post though if you would like more background about my story. You can read it here:
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@sharkworld/steem-to-self-esteem-conversion-hey-guys-and-gals-call-me-sharky
Thanks for reading x