A family member has been diagnosed with stage four cancer—it's metastasized, with a few dozen tumors throughout her body. Nothing left to do the doctors say, no surgeries, etc... and she prefers to forego chemo and focus on her quality of life. Over the past few weeks as we've waited for test results, her responses have oscilated wildky from hope to anger, denial and despair... Of course, I wish her peace and, short of a miracle, acceptance as well as a pain-free battle and exit.
I'm reminded at this time of a work colleague and his fatal cancer. He did not last long, but his quietly radical, surprising response to his terminal illness inspired me to write this poem, below:
He preferred muted suits:
prison grey, mousey brown
before the death sentence
But illness changed his tastes
as though, dipped in terror,
he somehow acquired color
Blossomed in riotous patterns
sporting vests that grew bolder
as did the stomach cancer
The stealthy advance of blackness
brought forth a gleaming will
the bodily treachery, more trust
And that sweetly spirited protest
meant he smiled more, and softer
opening up as his body shut down
This was his last, graceful stand
emaciated and wasting away
in some way, to give style to death.
©Yahia Lababidi
(Art by John Tilson, with permission from the artist)
Sorry to hear about your family member's cancer. There are things one can work to change, and things that can't be changed. No easy trick, but if one can accept an inevitability, then a final graceful blossoming might occur.
Beautifully put, Kenny, ‘if one can accept an inevitability...’
Echoes of a prayer we were discussing, earlier this evening:
Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things that I can’t change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I know this prayer by a German theologist, it's surprisingly well-known among Russian orthodox Christians.
You know, Yahia, my family member was diagnosed with cancer too... Just yesterday he got the test results, and you know what he said? "I'm glad I can pay for my sins here on Earth by suffering, I'd rather pay here than there, where it would be eternal" I was surprised by his strong faith and strength that is obviously given by God! Your piece has this spirit! The spirit of the power given to us by God in our most difficult moments.
I wish your family member to feel this support!
What a beautiful response, Katya, I'm very grateful to you for sharing it (and have just shared it with my wife). Just the other day, we were discussing the purification process/hidden blessing that might be found in illness and your relative's faithful response is an excellent example of this.
From Him come all good things, including such strength and grace to endure hardship. I think, too, of that inspiring quotation by Rumi: What we are seeking is also seeking us...
We are not alone, and I hope your relative's struggle is made lighter by His Mercy. May he stay blessed
_/|\_You know, Yahia, my Iranian neighbour, an old lady, told me about Rumi before, then I read your post about how attempts of translating poetry can affect the messages that were put inside by the author (on his example), I'm getting interested in this poet, the Universe has been bringing thoughts of him to me...
As for the faith, it's a blessing for those who are ill, my relative said to me that he pities the ones who suffer without it, he said to me also that he'd be about to commit suicide if he wasn't blessed by knowing for sure that his suffering is needed and is for his own good. Moreover, without this faith, he'd never think that he has a chance for cure, but nothing is impossible for our Lord!!!!! We should pray for our dear ones...
Amen, sister, nothing is impossible for our Lord!
And, to extend your relative's observation, further, 'we are all suffering and life is without meaning, if it is without faith.'
_/|\_I'm so happy to hear Rumi is reaching out to you ("what you seek also seeks you, he says). He is a great mystic and tremendous source of spiritual beauty and inspiration. Stay blessed, my friend <3
Great prayer, and exactly the inspiration for my thoughts about things that can and can't be changed. :)
What a beautiful piece- it reminds me of the saying that without death, there can be no true life. Sending you and yours love ❤️
Love back your way, friend. Just speaking to my wife about how this might be a privileged moment —terribly difficult— but also containing an opportunity to act with courage and nobility, to give style to death
Heaven help us all 🙌🏼
Sorry for you news, Yahia. Sending some positive vibes to you and yours.
Grace and Love.
Bless you, Pryde. One story that marked me, deeply, as a young man was the death of my great grandfather (whom I never met) also of Cancer.
He was a man of faith and was neither angry nor afraid. I was told he would bite into the wooden bedpost, when the pain was too great, and say:
Dear Lord, If this is a test, increase my suffering, do not lessen it.
I think, by association, today, of Pascal’s wise plea:
I don't know that there is. I only know that love and humor help to lessen the suffering of any and all dis-ease. My heart goes out to you and this time.
🙏🏼♥️
I am sorry to hear about this, this is a heavy burden for anyone. A good reminder to use our time well. Thank you for sharing the poem about your courageous co-worker. You have captured his resistance well.
Bless you
_/|\_I think of a lyric by Leonard Cohen that I'm fond of:
Heaven help us, all
Ohhhhh very sad news... I will prey for you...
Thank you
_/|\_Welcome