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RE: Random Thoughts of Poetry ✍️ Untitled Poems#16

in #poetry7 years ago

I like the passion again, a few thoughts on phrasing which catch my eye...

Instead of "Time flies in every laughter and Tears,"
perhaps "Time flies in every laughter, and every tear."

"Since the day we met, I could ever see."
"Since the day we met, would be all I ever see again."

I don't know, food for thought! Love the poem!

I have a new one for you as well!
https://steemit.com/poetry/@sixshot/rustling-leaves