I can't edit short stories, but I know someone who is pretty good. If you go to http://conjunction.webs.com/apps/forums/ and seek out Daniel (pm or directly on the public pages), I'm sure you could get a quote--bear in mind the Daniel isn't nearly as pleasant as me and will ridicule mistakes or short-comings mercilessly (though he's oddly nice some days) -- now from me you'd get a similar analysis as "In the Rain" got and I'd try to provide the necessary materials to get the material to a more original place. There are no guarantees you'd survive the process--so think about your commitment to time and adjust your sights accordingly.

Most publishing houses won't tell you why--you are left to figure it out for yourself, so if you have literary ambitions, then you'll at least have to guess correctly. Check out hemingway and those crisp sentence structures for a primer that will give you some insight as to what can be done when Williams simplicity is applied to the narrative of pop-folk Americana.