Hi @whoshim! OK... I had also been looking at some of the alliterative rules of ancient poetry when I was interested in writing an epic poem that played off Beowulf. I ended up with a 65-stanza poem with no consistent rhyme scheme, but a lot of alliteration, though not following any rules regarding lines. Just to give you an idea, this is the first stanza of "Grendel's Aunt":
Hymm was a hero, hawkish for war:
a savior without a... save-ye.
At our ditty's beginning we find this young lad
on the prowl and hunt for a wee bit of knaving:
searching for weaklings in gingham or plaid,
or a nyrd with the need of his saving.
(And there was a lot of rhyme, just nothing consistent.) Anyway, I found doing this that meter was very important to me - are you wanting to work in any specific meter here?
Knockout alliteration @whoshim and I love these lines:
A friendship forged four decades past,
tested and tried, true to the end.
Also like great warhorns & greyskinned warriors.
But I think a meter would add to these poems, especially the second one with its driving war theme. For example, if I might play with these lines:
Joyously jeering and greeting marines
with a maddening, bloodlusty blare!
something like that?
Thanks for the response! I scanned through your posts, but I did not find any about your poem? Have you put it up anywhere? Also, I was surprised to see your large collection of posts on economics, and I plan on digging into those and hopefully using them with my kids.
Regarding:
A friendship forged four decades past,
tested and tried, true to the end.
The second line was because @geekorner told me the original was bad. :D
Concerning meter, I really like the two lines that you wrote, but I am really aiming for Tolkien's style. Right now I am not so good at it, so things aren't as balanced as they should be. In order to do the style, I have had to pass up some great alliterations (such as your 'bloodlusty blare'), because the fourth stressed syllable should not alliterate with the third.
That pattern of alliteration, when done right, gives the lines a flow where the last part is kind of a drop-off, and the next line picks the pace back up. While it doesn't give the same feeling as a set meter, it definitely gives it a clear and distinct sound, which is felt when reading the poetry aloud.
Maybe the best comparison I can give of how it feels is that, for example, your lines:
Joyously jeering and greeting marines
with a maddening, bloodlusty blare!
have a kind of music to them, while Tolkien's:
Arthur eastward in arms purposed
his war to wage on the wild marches,
over seas sailing to Saxon lands,
from the Roman realm ruin defending.
have the feel of a chant. That doesn't quite state how I feel, but I am unsure how else to describe it.
Ah! Ok, sorry - I didn't fully absorb the Tolkien pattern there. But yes, I see that now.
Regarding my poem, I wrote it last year, so you'd need to scroll back much, much farther. I tend to write about economics, whether it's non-fiction, fiction, or poetry. Right now I'm doing a non-fiction series.
I'm going to try to get more familiar with Tolkien's chant-like feel and see if I can start thinking in his pattern. If I can think it doing housework, I can write it. 😃