It Was Never Wonderland
I won’t go back down this rabbit hole
To play another game
Of cat and mouse with you.
You’ll just lose me in the maze you made
Out of all the lies you sold to me
I’m still not sure how to sort them out Into the tiny of slivers of truth
Buried in all your bullshit
Besides, I’m never quite sure
Which of us is predator
And which is prey
Neither of us has that time to waste
I’m not Alice
And you’re not the hatter.
How is it that I still love you
Even though I know
You are not anything you told me?
How is it that I still need you?
Despite the gaping wound you left in me?
Why do you tangle me in your web?
When now you’ve got everything you said you need?
Why do you still pull at my heartstrings
If you’re really happy?
These questions shouldn’t matter to me
Because I set you free
But I still wish every piece of you
Still belonged to me.
This is beautiful. Sadness and Jealousy bring out some of the rawest emotions. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you! I am curious to where you see jealousy here, because that was not what I was feeling during the construction of this poem, and I would love to see your perspective on it.
I guess I took the last two lines as jealousy.
“But I still wish every piece of you
Still belonged to me.”
Whether it’s a person or a job or time, desiring all of someone seems as if you don’t want to share. I hear a sense of possession. But it’s only in that line. Up until then I just hear how much pain there is from being manipulated and having to go back and forth with someone that’s not being honest. I can feel how much love there is for this person, but there’s uncertainty why, because of everything that has happened to get to this point. The confusion of love and need for this person I can relate too.
I really loved this piece. I hit a point like this not too long ago and I had to just give up. And when I say give up, it’s giving up on me and my selfishness. I told my partner to come at me…. lol that I’d take all the bullshit and that it didn’t even matter anymore because no matter what he says or does, I can’t stop loving him.