Thanks so much, Quill. I work at high expression but with economy in words. Supply a few descriptive details that will allow the reader to form strong images but without weighing down the narrative flow with too much description and detail. I don't want parts skipped over because the reader is trying to get to the good stuff. Today's readers are not accustomed to old-school literary writing.
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You write (narratively) in what I call "poetic prose" (grammatically and syntactically correct prosaic sentences that utilize poetic devices to augment effect). So do I but we employ different poetic devices. One of the curious things I noticed about your narrative writing is the frequent use of very short "bullet sentences." It creates a "staccato effect" which results in forced pauses ... which is interesting as I've long posited that the "power of poetry" is in the pause. Controlling the pause can dramatically change that way our brains process incoming information. (Incidentally, Hemingway frequently wrote using this staccato technique). And, as is common in poetry, your narrative style frequently appeals to non-auditory sensory stimuli ... visual, olfactory and tactile.
As I read your extract I was consciously aware of, and a bit surprised by, the unusual way my brain was processing what I was reading and it was subtle enough that I had to go back a re-read it to figure out why.
Very interesting craftsmanship. Kudos.
Quill
Thank you, Quill. Yes all that is conscious. As are the longer sentences that are found occasionally. A bullet sentence will create a very strong image or feeling within the mind. Give thoughts a chance to catch up. I want the story to be accessible to younger readers with maybe shorter attention spans and varying reading level. It is not meant to be a challenging read or show-offy. LOL.The longer sentences lull or can give a feeling that the story is 'speeding up' or the scene is filling in, depending on whether it is descriptive or narrative.
Whether the sentence is long or short, sparse or poetically descriptive, each word should be deliberate. So, in that way I agree with Hemingway; though with the exception of the Old Man and the Sea and Kilmanjaro, I have found his writing too clinical and lacking in believable characterization and feeling.
That said, the Wisp is meant to be primarily for enjoyment and not an exemplar of my more literary attempts at writing. I do NOT place it on par with Hemingway's works.
Gutter Dog which is in Strays is a homage of sorts to Papa Ernesto and Cuba. The feed back from that is generally very flattering and the suggestion is that it is rather 'literary'.
BTW ... I wouldn't call this my best excerpt from the book. Far from it. I rather struggled to get this segment to something I 'kinda' of like. My favorite segments are hands down when Bara goes into the Slip.
What you consider to be your very best extract ... post it.
Now I'm curious.
Quill
You'll have to wait until I get there ... I am posting segments in order. I will mention you when I do, but it is towards the end of the novel.
Always leave them wanting more. 😏
Quill
Of course:)