I relate with so much of this post. Very similar background and a similar deconstruction of beliefs. I passed through some very liberal Christian beliefs but ultimately it feels like the morality I believe would be true Christianity is believed by so few Christians as to make the label rediculous.

Plus, if God is real and the Christian faith and story is true then it seems to have failed... Which makes me think it isn't true.

I can conceive a Christian narrative that is a great wonderful, redemptive idea. But stepping back and looking at the world broadly both in space and time - that thought experiment seems to fail to me...